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Stress Management By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Fear and Confusion as tools

Fear and Confusion are amazing teachers. In the picture above, you can see that the eyes are opened wide, teeth are showing, and arms are extended to protect from a perceived threat. This is the classic “flinch response.”

We’ve been duped! We’ve been taught that fear and confusion are bad things to be avoided. I believe that all discomfort is just providing motivation to do something to return you back to a state of balance.

Regarding fear

It is a survival instinct. It is designed to keep you safe, to make healthy decisions by ‘alerting’ you when you are in danger. You don’t drive on the wrong side of the road. Why? Because fear tells you that you could get hurt, hurt somebody else, or get a ticket. Fear is NOT meant to paralyze you; rather, it is there to give you guideposts in life–reminders that get more intense depending on the danger you are facing. Use your fear to guide you, not paralyze you. This is the difference between ‘Awakened’ fear, and ‘Asleep’ fear: when you are awake, fear guides you to safety and comfort–it is seen as something to be grateful for BECAUSE of its discomfort; when you are asleep, fear paralyzes you by putting you back into your thinking mind.

Regarding confusion

It is also a guide–but more from a tempo stance. When somebody is confused, it is usually because they are facing some sort of decision–usually an important one; and since it is not possible to make a well-informed decision while you are confused, confusion motivates you to slow down and take stock of your situation. Like fear, confusion is misunderstood. When you are awake, confusion helps you to understand that you care enough about yourself to slow down so that you can make a healthy decision; when you are asleep, confusion simply seems to create a fog that covers up the useful information all around you. So WAKE UP!

Find gratitude for your ability to experience fear and confusion–because they are just trying to help. Gratitude will help you avoid being lulled asleep by unconscious living.

Learn more about Stress Management Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Stress Management By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Insomnia and Sleeplessness

  • Trouble falling asleep? or staying asleep?
  • Do you wake up throughout the night?
  • Is your mind racing too fast to sleep?
  • Have your sleepless nights impacted your job? Family? Friendships?

Lying awake at night can be infuriating. It can keep you fuming about what happened today, and worrying about what may, or may not, happen tomorrow.

We’ve all been there… you get up in the morning, startled by the alarm; you had finally fallen asleep when it started screaming at you! Grumbling about a terrible night trying to sleep, you stumble to the bathroom, reviewing how angry you are at the things that kept you up: your finances, your boss, your spouse, your kids, your mistakes, your bad luck. And we could probably throw some colorful language in there! You look in the mirror and immediately criticize your appearance. Then you start to “borrow trouble” that hasn’t even happened! You engage in negative fantasies about how your boss will comment on how terrible you look; how this will prevent you from getting that raise or promotion. From there, it seems to only get worse, thereby making it more likely that you’ll have another night of insomnia. You’ll never get caught up.

From time to time, this kind of day is normal. And if it’s pretty rare that you experience difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, then you can probably handle it pretty well and have a pretty good day after getting your morning coffee and/or workout. But once it’s a pattern, or if it’s a symptom of an underlying emotional condition like anxiety or depression, or a medical one like hypertension or narcolepsy, it seems difficult to pull out of it. Make no mistake, it can turn into a self-perpetuating cycle; and when it does, it can magnify whatever condition is underneath it. So we want to discover some tried and true ways of getting your much-needed sleep again.

How to get more sleep

I am going to list a few things that tend to help most people. In our counseling sessions, we can fine-tune these ideas, and add other ideas when needed.

Healthy Sleep Hygiene

  • Limit caffeine intake. Stop drinking caffeine 4 hours before bed.
  • Turn off “screens” at least 2 hours before bed. This means anything with a screen: Computers, cell phones, tablets, etc. If you enjoy a TV show that happens during the 2 hours before bed, consider recording it and watching it earlier–you’ll get used to it. but if you must watch, try to keep it light . . . not crime TV that elicits anxiety, or News shows that get you riled up.
  • Avoid vigorous exercise 2-3 hours before bedtime.
  • About 15-30 minutes before bedtime, start your Bedtime Routine. It should be the same things, in the same order, at the same time each night (as often as possible, especially in the beginning).
    • What this does is it trains your body and mind that when you do X, Y, and Z, you are preparing for sleep. The routine will become automatic and your body will cooperate; usually within just a few weeks.
  • As a part of your Bedtime Routine, drink a cup of Sleepy Time or Chamomile tea. These both have herbs that promote relaxation. Don’t drink too many cups though, or you’ll have to get up later to use the bathroom.
  • Let the last item of your Bedtime Routine be 3-5 minutes of meditation or relaxation. While these are different, they have enough in common that the brain will respond very well to the time to just unwind. Read more about meditation here.
  • Turn your clock around and/or put it out of reach (same with your cell phone). Very often, we wake up briefly at night to simply roll over or shift around a little bit; if there are big numbers facing you, your pupils will try to focus on these numbers, and this can cause you to wake up more fully. And if you see that it’s 4:00 am, you may start thinking about how soon you have to get up, which can keep you up.
  • Try taking a warm bath before bed. The rapid cooldown of your body after you get out can be very relaxing. Showers tend to wake some people up, but if you like showers, and it works, go for it!
  • Once you are in bed, if you feel like it’s been more than 20 minutes, get up and do something relaxing. This prevents you from associating your bed with the aggravation of being in bed asleep. Read a book (NOT on a tablet though. . . the screen stimulates the visual cortex too much and will wake you up more.

Other good ideas to help sleep

  • Exercise during the day! Physical exhaustion during the day helps the body go into a relaxed state at night so that it can repair and recover.
  • Drink plenty of fluids to promote a healthy body and mind. Water is critical in healthy brain function as it is the primary conductor of electricity. Try not to drink too much water an hour or so before bed though.
  • Practice meditation and/or relaxation throughout the day so that you get in the habit of being calm. This calm mindfulness will help you deal with struggles more efficiently so that you carry less stress to bed with you. You can practice this for very brief periods like 30 seconds, or a minute. It’s better than never practicing at all.
  • If you just cannot stop thinking about what you have to do the next day, write a list – get the worries out of your head and onto paper. You can even prioritize these and list specific steps to get each one done.
  • Journal. Get in the habit of writing down how you feel about the day, both good things and bad. This gets those things out of your head and onto paper (like writing your To-Do list).
  • Talk to a counselor. If you are dealing with depression or anxiety, and the work you are doing to recover is not helping sleep, you can talk to your doctor. But be careful, many sleep aids are addictive and do not give you the restorative type of sleep that you need. Let your doctor educate you about your options.
  • As tempting as Marijuana may be to unwind, it does not give you the restorative sleep you need either. Not to mention, it effectively shuts down the dreaming center of the brain, so you are not able to process your day as well. Dreaming helps us work through our daily stress. When people stop smoking pot, they often report VERY vivid dreams–this is because the dreaming center of the brain is coming back online, and it seems much more vivid for a while.
  • Likewise, avoid excessive alcohol before bed.

We can talk about the many other ideas to try in-session. Very often, people find that just practicing a few of these ideas can help instead of doing all of them!

Learn more about Stress Management Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Personal development By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Self-Esteem

Self-love is not selfish!

  • Struggling with feelings of worthlessness? Like you just don’t matter to anybody, including yourself?
  • Noticing that you have been more negative about how you experience others?
  • Feeling less empowered? Almost as if there isn’t enough of ‘you’ to go around?
  • Are you feeling depressed and/or anxious?

Along with optimism, self-esteem can be practiced and improved. Moving towards what we do want, instead of only away from what we don’t, we can see how the brain wants us to go forward, moving towards our goals.

Self-esteem is a trait that describes how people feel about themselves.  With healthy self-esteem, people tend to be more resilient (able to bounce back from challenges), and happier. On the other hand, when people don’t like themselves, and/or believe that others do not like them, they tend to have difficulty overcoming difficulty; even their immune system may suffer. Low self-esteem can be both a symptom of other conditions like Depression and Anxiety or the cause of those conditions.

Fortunately, we can practice self-esteem and learn to feel better. It is normal to feel overwhelmed with this idea in the beginning. This is why we focus on the here-and-now and work with what is attainable in the short-term. As time goes on, and as you continue to work on it, self-esteem can improve to the point that you feel like a new person.

Learning self-esteem

Beginning with simply being genuine about your feelings of self-worth, begin to realize that these feelings are real and should be dealt with; however, they are not permanent and not necessarily accurate, given your other strengths (example, you took the step to read this page–this is already an action towards improving your situation, thus you do in fact have more power than you may realize at the moment). Genuineness often means that you meditate on the genuine strengths you also possess rather than only being genuinely aware of the areas for growth. A balance between the two is crucial–awareness of what you do in fact need to work on, and awareness of the strengths and skills you possess to work on them with.

Using your genuine assessment of strengths and areas for growth, you can move on to increase your awareness of opportunities to practice and build your foundation of self-esteem. In any given moment, strive to be aware of what you bring to the moment. . . if you find that it does not feel helpful, then gently notice the feeling, then actively do something that you believe may help–even if only a little bit, for just a little while. Remember, once you notice a pattern, you can do something to change it. This is one of the most important steps in building self-esteem, as, without self-awareness, we cannot possibly begin to take thoughtful action to change. Once you begin to make the changes you choose, maintain awareness of the results–again, no matter how small. If the action helps, then do it again and build on it. If it does not, or if things become worse, then rather than beating yourself up for that, strive to see this as useful information in that you know what not to do next time.

As always, trust your ability to act. This is much easier said than done when dealing with issues of self-esteem, depression, or anxiety. Developing your awareness through silent meditation will help (see exercises on meditation). Remember that you are already closer than when you began your journey. It is not only the results of action that carries weight–it is the intention behind the action that makes any result useful. When you are aware that you trust yourself to act in a way that is helpful, the act itself becomes secondary (obviously, this does not mean to choose unhealthy actions to further your development!). The intention of your action is what will operate at deeper levels of awareness that you may, or may not yet be completely aware of.

Have a little compassion for yourself! You certainly deserve the same courtesy that you no doubt offer to others! I often find that those who struggle with self-esteem are often some of the most understanding, compassionate people around as they are hyper-aware of what it is like to feel bad. When you begin to allow yourself to care for yourself, a new door opens that may have been previously unnoticed. The struggle for self-compassion is that most people with self-esteem issues believe that it is selfish to focus on healing the self. In fact, the best thing you can do for others is to care for yourself. Self-compassion is a concept that allows you to become more fully present at any given moment with another as you are not as distracted
by the constant barrage of internal dialogue and questioning of your abilities. Again, when you give to yourself, there is more of you to go around to others.

Which brings us to having compassion for others. When you begin to realize that many people struggle with some form of self-questioning, you can model for them through your actions how to remedy their own situations. Remember for a moment the last time you helped another person . . . how did it feel?

You will be more likely to be in a place to offer this help if you honestly address your own issues in a way that enhances your own life first. Self-Love is not selfish.

Learn more about Mindfulness-based Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Depression By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Depression

  • Do you feel sad most of the time?
  • Are you having head and body aches? Sick more often than usual?
  • Do you feel like you’ve lost interest in things you used to enjoy?
  • Do your emotions feel “blunted?”
  • Has your life begun to feel like an ordeal instead of an adventure?
  • Have you been isolating yourself? Not participating in life?
  • Do you feel like you need drugs and/or alcohol to have fun?

Depression has been described as a dark cloud that just doesn’t go away. It has also been described as a deep, dark, suffocating reality that seems to have no relief in sight. Even things that you know would help seem unattainable. If you are here, please let me help.

Depression can act as a magnifying glass — it can take even the most simple problem and magnify it, while completely obscuring the positive or best ideas that could help. Somebody living with depression may find themselves feeling like ‘not wanting to bother’ to do things they know would help, or that they used to enjoy doing. They may describe their life as feeling like a ‘black cloud,’ where one bad thing seems to be consistently followed by another bad experience. This kind of depression can be triggered by life’s circumstances (divorce, grief, etc.), or by one’s genetics, or a combination of multiple factors.

Fortunately, we are learning that depression can be managed, and the more effort and follow-through you put into your healing, you will likely find that the results are longer lasting and become more accessible, even when you find yourself in a backslide.

A few tips to start with

1) If things are extremely bleak, feel free to check with your doctor. Your family doctor is a great place to start. . . He or she may refer you to a psychiatrist for further evaluation. But don’t panic, nobody thinks that you’re crazy — a psychiatric referral is just a logical step; consider this–you wouldn’t just stop with your family doctor when getting your heart looked at, you would follow up with a specialist. . . a cardiologist; A psychiatrist is just a specialist in the human mind and its chemistry. Your doctor/psychiatrist will be able to talk to you about the next ideas:

2) A healthy lifestyle that includes nutrition and exercise – Always check with your doctor before beginning any change in eating and exercise habits. Upon approval from your doctor, you will find that eating a healthy diet (this does NOT necessarily mean eating less!!) that is balanced in protein, carbohydrates, fat, and vitamins/minerals helps to balance your brain chemicals. Exercise also has a direct impact on your brain chemistry. When you exercise, you are causing your body to produce very healthy endorphins, you are pressing out toxins created by stress and anxiety, and helping your brain to metabolize (process) oxygen, protein, etc. in more effective ways. The result? You think better, you begin to feel better. If you are on any medications (including antidepressants) you will find that your body is also better able to use these. NOTE: A study at Duke University showed that 60% of a group of subjects that exercised 3 times per week, for 30 minutes each session, for four months, were able to completely manage their depression without medication. This is a substantial finding encouraging what our bodies have known for thousands of years–that a healthy lifestyle creates a healthy experience of life.

3) Counseling – As difficult as diet/exercise can be to accomplish (due to depression’s impact on motivation), some may find asking for help to be even more difficult as it may feel like a weakness. . . but do it anyway, despite it being easier said than done. . . living in depression is also difficult, or else you probably would not be reading this page.

Learn more about Counseling for Depression in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Depression By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Grief

  • Feeling depressed because of a recent loss (of life, a relationship, job, way of living, etc.)?
  • Does your grief feel unmanageable or like it will never go away?
  • Are you pulling away from people that are trying to help?
  • Do you feel like you are living in a dream that you cannot wake up from?
  • Are you concerned about your child or children’s grief? Do you have parenting questions about grief?

Grief isn’t just about healing from a loss through death. We also grieve relationships, jobs, homes, lifestyles, and even our own unhealthy habits. When a person or pet dies, this is often called “simple grief,” though it doesn’t feel simple. Grieving a relationship is “complex grief.” Find out why.

Five stages of grief

According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (1969), there are five stages of grief. We all have different experiences, and these five stages should just be seen as a starting point for how to understand this healing process:

  • Denial/Isolation
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

First, it should be understood that the ‘final’ stage, acceptance, does NOT mean that you forget the loss, or that you are happy about it . . . it simply means that you have made peace with the loss and have moved into a place where you can continue living your life.  I would also like to emphasize that these stages by no means include all possible experiences of grief. . .they are just a starting point; some people also experience guilt, shame, fear, etc. And these stages do not go in any particular order other than starting off with Denial and wrapping up with Acceptance. Bouncing around your unique stages is normal, but can be unsettling. Please get in touch if you have any questions or concerns.

Letting grief heal you

By beginning to take good care of yourself, you will find that each of the stages begins to last for shorter periods and occur less and less often. Likewise, as this happens, you will find that the initial ‘flashes’ of acceptance happen more often and last longer and longer.

Regarding self-care, be creative . . . but follow some basic common sense: have a healthy diet, exercise, get counseling if you need, talk to friends/family, set boundaries and let people what you do and do not need, cry, etc. You may find journaling, drawing, playing music/writing music, and other creative outlets to be helpful.

Own your own healing process

MOST IMPORTANT: Do not let people (including me) dictate how to grieve–take peoples’ suggestions and do what feels right for you . . . everybody has different timelines and different tools to use. As long as they are legal and not harmful to yourself or others, then trust your ideas–if they do not work, then try something else or ask for help with new tools.

As you go through the healing process of grief, you will find that there are times when you find you are doing OK, only to be hit by depression, anger, etc. . . seemingly out of the blue. Usually, these experiences are linked to some sort of trigger (known catalysts of discomfort), or landmine (unknown triggers that you do not know about until you encounter them), that reminds us (either consciously or unconsciously) or our loss. Some common triggers of grief are places and things associated with our loved one who has passed, TV shows that deal with loss, and songs that remind us of our loved one. There are a few major landmines/triggers that you can plan for: Birthdays, anniversaries of a loved one’s death, holidays, etc. Some people find that honoring their loved ones during these times can help to ease the pain. Plant a tree or make a donation in their name, write them a letter and bury it, burn it, put in in a bible or other spiritual book, etc. Be creative.

Learn more about Counseling for Depression in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.