Category: Family and Parenting

How to Help Your Children Cope with Tragedies and Scary News Stories

As a parent, you may feel the need to protect your children from the darkness in the world. It’s wise to limit their exposure, especially to scary-sounding news stories on TV, radio, or computers. However, it’s important to be the one to help your kids learn how to handle their questions, fears, and uncertainties.

Today’s kids are exposed to far more information than previous generations. The internet puts the most traumatic images and stories right at their fingertips, and children talk on the playground. Tragedies like 9/11, war, and mass shootings are just a few examples of what kids may hear about.

Children often express their feelings through their behavior and moods since they may not be able to put their feelings into words effectively. Look for red-flag patterns such as nightmares, crying spells, a shift in mood or personality, frequent headaches or stomach aches, and hesitation to attend school or other activities.

Sometimes, children are afraid because they hear that school shootings and other tragedies are becoming more frequent. It’s important to challenge this information and reassure your kids that they are safe and that these kinds of tragedies are rare and not the norm.

Most kids just need to know that they can talk about their concerns and ask questions. After a few days of processing and steering clear of overexposure, kids are usually able to return to normalcy. Don’t hesitate to talk to a counselor or mental health professional if you’re unsure how to help your child.

Here are some best practices from the National Mental Health Association on how to talk to kids about tragedy, with specific tips for each age group:

For younger children:

• Encourage them to talk about their concerns and express their feelings.
• Talk on their level and use language they can understand.
• Validate their feelings and let them know they are not alone.
• Empower them to take action regarding school safety, such as reporting incidents and developing problem-solving skills.
• Discuss the safety procedures that are in place at their school and create safety plans with your child.

For older children:

• Recognize behavior that may indicate your child is concerned about returning to school, such as not wanting to attend school or participate in school-based activities.
• Encourage open dialogue and make school safety a common topic in family discussions.
• Seek help when necessary by contacting a mental health professional at school or your community mental health center.

Remember, it’s essential to be there for your child and help them understand the world around them. By following these best practices and staying informed, you can help your child cope with tragedies and scary news stories.

Source: National Mental Health Association.

Tips for Talking to Children and Teens about Tragic Events

Tips for Kids Under 6 Years Old

Keep it simple and age-appropriate. Focus on the positive to help them process without fear. For example, “A bad person who was very sick hurt some people; but you are safe with us and they have the bad man.”

Tips for Elementary School Age Kids

Keep the message simple and safe. Decide if you want to instill fear or reassurance in the child. Reassurance is the answer. Make sure the message is easily understood by the child’s age group. Focus on the positive, like the heroes of the day, and how safe we are because of them. Shield them from disturbing images as children have vivid imaginations that are primarily visual. If they do see such images, show them more positive images or take them to meet first responders to create a real-life connection with heroism.

Tips for Talking to Tweens

Stephen Covey’s quote, “Seek to understand before seeking to be understood,” applies here. Allow tweens to voice their doubts and questions. Answer their questions and impart wisdom, but be sure to listen to what they think and feel. Use their questions and comments as a starting point for a conversation about values and how to be a hero. Avoid graphic details.

Some of the tips below for teens will also apply. Trust your intuition.

Tips for Talking to Teens

Be solution-focused, not problem- or judgment-focused. Teenagers are practicing making independent decisions to control the direction of their lives. Harness this drive to find solutions by asking for their ideas about how to make a difference in the world. This approach builds their character and gives them a sense of control over circumstances that are out of their control.

If you have any questions, please get in touch. I am here to help.

Learn more about Counseling for Trauma and PTSD in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Why Do Teens Often Feel Resentful Toward Their Parents?

As a teenager, it’s normal to feel irritated, annoyed, angry, or even resentful towards your parents. They can be overprotective, and suspicious and may not understand that you’re not a little kid anymore. However, if you feel like your emotions are a bit too intense, let’s discuss why that might be.

Teenagers are in a paradoxical situation

You’re too old to be treated like a child but too young to be given the freedom and responsibilities of an adult. This paradox happens because the emotional center of your brain (the limbic system) has developed enough to produce intense emotions that are adult-like. However, the most advanced part of your brain, the frontal lobe, responsible for impulse control and executive functioning, is not fully developed until you’re in your mid-20s. So, you have adult-level emotions without enough brain development to manage them appropriately.

Parents challenge your maturity and independence when you’re trying to develop them

As teenagers, you’re supposed to be developing your own identity, thoughts, opinions, and feelings. When parents limit your independence, you might feel cornered, like a trapped animal. When you add in the fact that you’re experiencing adult-level anger, but lack some of the skills to keep it in perspective, it’s easy to understand why you might lash out.

Parents often don’t understand what it’s like to be a teenager today

They may be out of touch with new technologies and social media, causing them to be overly protective and suspicious. They may worry about your safety and well-being, but their actions might feel overbearing and controlling to you.

Parents’ idea of punishment may seem overly harsh

It’s important to remember that consequences should be time-limited, fitting the broken rule, and making an impact. However, if the consequences seem unfair or unreasonable, you should calmly approach your parents and discuss your feelings rather than allowing resentment to fester.

Conclusion

It’s common for teenagers to feel resentment toward their parents. It’s important to understand that it’s a normal part of the teenage experience. With good communication and understanding, you and your parents can navigate through these challenging times.

*Updated July 13, 2023

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Learn more about Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Navigating the Transition: Parents’ Guide to College Planning for Graduating Seniors

As parents, watching your child transition from high school to college is a momentous occasion filled with mixed emotions. It’s a time of excitement, anticipation, and a touch of apprehension. You want to provide the best support possible, but you might also wonder how involved you should be in this new phase of your life, and theirs. In this blog post, we’ll explore considerations for parents as they guide their graduating seniors through the college preparation journey, striking the balance between support and independence.

1. Encourage Self-Discovery During College Preparation:

One of the most valuable gifts you can give your child is the opportunity to explore their passions and interests. Encourage them to reflect on what they want to study and why. Help them identify their strengths, values, and goals. This self-discovery process will empower them to make informed decisions about their college path.

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What the Professionals Say

Remember to watch for signs that your teen is done listening for the time being. You’ll have other chances to impart your wisdom, and they will be more likely to listen if they feel you can respect their implied boundaries like changing the subject (or explicit spoken boundaries like, “Can we talk about something else?”).

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2. Open Communication:

Maintaining open and honest communication is key. Create an environment where your child feels comfortable discussing their hopes and concerns about college. Listen actively and without judgment. Understand that their priorities and aspirations may evolve over time.

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What the Professionals Say

Your teenager is facing becoming an adult. Some anxiety (from them) about this is normal. Keep this in mind if they seem irritable when you are offering them coaching on their choices. Let them dream and explore their own ideas about college. If you try to control them, then they are more likely to pull away once they are on campus and out from under your direct control. However, if you show them the proper respect as young adults, they are likely to see you as an ally and coach that they can count on for sound advice.

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3. Research Colleges Together:

Explore college options together. Research institutions that align with your child’s academic and personal preferences. Attend college fairs, campus tours, and information sessions. Encourage your child to take the lead in these activities, but offer guidance and support when needed.

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What the Professionals Say.

A common source of conflict between graduating seniors and parents is the cost of education and what parents are willing to provide. Your child may be interested in an expensive out-of-state college or university (out-of-state is usually more expensive). If it is out of your budget, simply talk with your child about options. A common option is that parents pay what they had planned on, and then the student gets financial aid (scholarships, grants, loans) to make up the difference; some parents even offer to help pay those loans down over time, but this is not necessary.

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4. Financial Planning:

College can be a significant financial commitment. Discuss the costs and available financial aid options early on. Explore scholarships, grants, and work-study programs. While it’s essential for your child to understand financial responsibility, your guidance in navigating these waters can be invaluable.

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What the Professionals Say

Continuing from number 3 above: Should you agree that your graduating senior will take on some loans, a big selling point on this is the fact that it will give them an amazing head-start on establishing a solid credit history. Explain that a large factor in their credit score is the average age of their credit. Starting their credit history at 18 or 19 will pay dividends later in life when they are ready to buy a house (assuming they make responsible decisions about credit and payments, etc.).

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5. Encourage Independence in Preparation for College Life:

As the college application process unfolds, empower your child to take the reins. Encourage them to complete applications, write essays, and manage deadlines. Offer assistance when requested, but allow them to take ownership of this important journey. Of course, you are still their parent! You can stay on them a bit to be sure that the ‘ol “Senioritis” doesn’t extend into procrastination of their applications!

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What the Professionals Say

Your graduating senior’s school counselor can provide you with referrals for coaches who specialize in helping students complete college applications. They provide insight, support, deadlines, and action plans for manageable steps. Don’t hesitate to use this resource. If this is out of the budget, that is okay, there are plenty of resources, like the school counselor and academic advisors at colleges who can offer support as well.

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6. Foster Resilience:

College life brings new challenges and opportunities for growth. Prepare your child for potential setbacks and teach them resilience. Emphasize that it’s okay to seek help when needed, whether academically or emotionally. Encourage a growth mindset that embraces learning from both successes and failures.

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What the Professionals Say

Do you remember your early college or career experiences? While times are different now, the general experience is the same: Your graduating senior is facing what feels like a freight train of responsibility barreling at them at light speed. Offer them some stories of how you handled things, BUT be sure to ask them if they think there is a related method they can use in the world of cyber-technology.

The important thing is that you DO NOT imply that you KNOW what they are going through and that they should do exactly as you did. This will often drive young adults away. However, when you ask them what they think, and then praise their thought process (assuming it is in the right direction), they are likely to see you as that coach and ally they can trust and rely upon for guidance.

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7. Supportive Presence:

While encouraging independence is essential, let your child know that your support remains unwavering. Be a source of encouragement, a listening ear, and a shoulder to lean on. Attend important milestones like college visits or orientation together to show your commitment.

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What the Professionals Say

This is especially true when they make mistakes. Perhaps they miss an application deadline for admission or for a scholarship, or perhaps they submit an essay full of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. While it is certainly okay to point out the problem, QUICKLY shift to offering support and options for getting back on track. For example, if they miss an application for admission deadline, encourage them to think of a solution, but if they are overwhelmed, step in and ask ASK them what they think about contacting the dean’s office to ask for an extension.

You can also remind them that they can go to a local community college (which is cheaper) and knock out some core classes. They’ll just need to get a certain GPA, and then transfer into their preferred college or university. The lesson is that there are always options. Remember, watch for that Green Light, Yellow Light, Red Light concept. . . if they seem receptive (Green Light), then keep chatting with them. But as they move to Yellow and certainly Red, back off and give them space to consider their options.

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8. Trust Their College Choices:

Ultimately, trust your child’s decisions regarding college selection. Remember that their journey may take unexpected turns, and that’s okay. Trust in their ability to navigate these twists and turns and to find their unique path.

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What the Professionals Say

Some parents dream of their children attending the same university that they attended. While this is a wonderful treat when your son or daughter picks this path, it is important that you not pressure them about it. Even joking too much about it can feel like pressure. Of course, talking with them about how great the University of Texas at Austin is (Hook ’em Horns!!), be sure that you let them know there are plenty of amazing options out there for them to explore and that you are proud no matter what they decide.

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Conclusion:

Preparing your graduating senior for college is a journey of growth for both parent and child. It’s about finding the delicate balance between providing guidance and fostering independence. By nurturing self-discovery, maintaining open communication, and offering unwavering support, you empower your child to embark on this exciting adventure with confidence and resilience. Together, you’ll navigate this transition, ensuring that your child’s college experience is filled with opportunities for growth, learning, and personal development.

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A Final Note from Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s

Not all students need to attend college

Please remember that not all people need to attend college. Increasingly, we are realizing that people can get on-the-job training and have very successful lives that are no less lucrative than college-educated people. Some young adults need to work for a couple of years before attending college, others have different ideas that involve becoming an apprentice or starting their own business. Be sure to allow your kids to talk through these ideas. It is better that they talk with you about this than somebody who you don’t know what they are going to say.

When college grades suffer

Many parents dread what to do when their kids struggle in college. Be supportive! Offer to help them get tutoring to get caught up. Let them come home over the weekend to clear their minds. But if the struggles continue and you see that it is a result of them not being responsible (partying too much, not studying, not turning in work, etc.) then your options change. If you are paying for their college, one option is the require them to get student loans in their name for their education. Then you can reimburse them based on performance. For example, you can pay a percentage of their semester’s expenses based on GPA:

• 4.0 = You pay 100% of tuition, books, room, and food expenses.
• 3.0 = You pay 80%
• 2.0 = You pay 50%
• Anything under a 2.0 they pay their entire bill

Their loans will not come due as long as they continue with full-time classes (there are exceptions for this, just check with lenders). When they have this “in-school deferment” they are not accruing interest.

You may be asking, what if they get 3 A’s and an F. Technically this would be around a 3.0 GPA. I tend to suggest that you include a provision that no failing grades will be reimbursed at the above rates. Naturally, for the first F, you can offer a freebie as they will have to take the class again anyway. Another way to deal with this is to offer reimbursement per class (in other words, you pay a percent of their fees for each class); this is a little more work but does have the advantage of treating each class as its own benchmark.

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Learn more about how we can help you find balance in your family life.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

[av_heading heading=’How to Make Friends’ tag=’h2′ style=’blockquote modern-quote modern-left’ subheading_active=’subheading_below’ show_icon=” icon=’ue800′ font=’entypo-fontello’ size=” av-desktop-font-size-title=” av-medium-font-size-title=” av-small-font-size-title=” av-mini-font-size-title=” subheading_size=” av-desktop-font-size=” av-medium-font-size=” av-small-font-size=” av-mini-font-size=” icon_size=” av-desktop-font-size-1=” av-medium-font-size-1=” av-small-font-size-1=” av-mini-font-size-1=” color=” custom_font=” subheading_color=” seperator_color=” icon_color=” margin=” margin_sync=’true’ av-desktop-margin=” av-desktop-margin_sync=’true’ av-medium-margin=” av-medium-margin_sync=’true’ av-small-margin=” av-small-margin_sync=’true’ av-mini-margin=” av-mini-margin_sync=’true’ headline_padding=” headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-desktop-headline_padding=” av-desktop-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-medium-headline_padding=” av-medium-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-small-headline_padding=” av-small-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-mini-headline_padding=” av-mini-headline_padding_sync=’true’ padding=’10’ av-desktop-padding=” av-medium-padding=” av-small-padding=” av-mini-padding=” icon_padding=’10’ av-desktop-icon_padding=” av-medium-icon_padding=” av-small-icon_padding=” av-mini-icon_padding=” link=” link_target=” title_attr=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-1zrteuq’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”]
A Guide to Helping Kids Make Friends[/av_heading]

Building healthy friendships is a vital aspect of a child’s social and emotional development. As a parent, you play a significant role in helping your child navigate the complexities of making and maintaining friendships. Every age group requires a tailored approach to fostering these connections. In this blog post, we’ll provide you with insights on how to guide your child through the process of making friends at different stages of their life. Remember, you children are learning how to be friends by watching how you interact with them and with other adults, including your spouse or partner.

1. Early Childhood (Ages 3-7): During these formative years, focus on teaching your child social skills like sharing, taking turns, and empathizing with others. Encourage playdates and activities that promote interaction with peers. Model positive social behaviors and emphasize the importance of kindness. Teach them to use their words to express themselves and resolve conflicts peacefully.
2. Late Childhood and Pre-Adolescence (Ages 8-12): As your child enters school, help them understand the qualities of a good friend, such as trust, respect, and shared interests. Encourage them to participate in group activities, clubs, or sports where they can meet peers with similar passions. Discuss the concept of inclusivity and encourage your child to be inclusive in their interactions. Teach them active listening skills and how to initiate conversations.
3. Early Teen Years (Ages 13-15): During this stage, guide your child through the challenges of forming deeper connections. Encourage them to explore their interests and passions, which can lead to friendships with those who share similar hobbies. Discuss the importance of mutual respect, honesty, and setting healthy boundaries in friendships. Help them navigate conflicts and disagreements by teaching effective communication skills.
4. Late Teen Years (Ages 16-18): As your child approaches adulthood, focus on helping them develop meaningful and lasting friendships. Encourage them to step out of their comfort zone and engage with diverse groups of people. Discuss the impact of digital communication on friendships and teach them the value of face-to-face interactions. Encourage them to be supportive and dependable friends while prioritizing self-care.

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Guiding your child in making friends at different ages involves nurturing their social skills, empathy, and self-confidence. Create an environment where they feel comfortable discussing their social experiences and concerns. Remember that each stage presents unique challenges and opportunities for growth. By teaching them the importance of respect, inclusivity, effective communication, and self-awareness, you empower your child to navigate the intricate landscape of relationships with confidence and authenticity. Your guidance as a parent lays the foundation for healthy and meaningful friendships that will contribute to their overall well-being.

*Updated October 5, 2023

Learn more about Parenting and how to communicate effectively with your kids.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

[av_heading heading=’How to tell your parents you messed up’ tag=’h2′ style=’blockquote modern-quote modern-left’ subheading_active=’subheading_below’ show_icon=” icon=’ue800′ font=’entypo-fontello’ size=” av-desktop-font-size-title=” av-medium-font-size-title=” av-small-font-size-title=” av-mini-font-size-title=” subheading_size=” av-desktop-font-size=” av-medium-font-size=” av-small-font-size=” av-mini-font-size=” icon_size=” av-desktop-font-size-1=” av-medium-font-size-1=” av-small-font-size-1=” av-mini-font-size-1=” color=” custom_font=” subheading_color=” seperator_color=” icon_color=” margin=” margin_sync=’true’ av-desktop-margin=” av-desktop-margin_sync=’true’ av-medium-margin=” av-medium-margin_sync=’true’ av-small-margin=” av-small-margin_sync=’true’ av-mini-margin=” av-mini-margin_sync=’true’ headline_padding=” headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-desktop-headline_padding=” av-desktop-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-medium-headline_padding=” av-medium-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-small-headline_padding=” av-small-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-mini-headline_padding=” av-mini-headline_padding_sync=’true’ padding=’10’ av-desktop-padding=” av-medium-padding=” av-small-padding=” av-mini-padding=” icon_padding=’10’ av-desktop-icon_padding=” av-medium-icon_padding=” av-small-icon_padding=” av-mini-icon_padding=” link=” link_target=” title_attr=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-1zrteuq’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”]
A Guide for Taking Responsibility for Different Age Groups
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Talking to your parents about something you’ve done wrong can be daunting, but it’s an important step in taking responsibility and learning from your mistakes. Your parents are there to support and guide you through challenges. In this blog post, we’ll provide you with guidance on how to approach this conversation at different age groups, helping you navigate the process with honesty, respect, and a willingness to make things right.

1. Early Childhood (Ages 3-7): If you’ve made a mistake, take a deep breath and remember that everyone makes them. Approach your parents when they’re available and not busy. Use simple words to explain what happened and how you feel. Your parents will appreciate your honesty and help you find a solution together.
2. Late Childhood and Pre-Adolescence (Ages 8-12): As you grow, mistakes become a part of learning. Find a quiet time to talk when your parents can give you their full attention. Explain the situation honestly and take responsibility for your actions. Share your thoughts on how you plan to make amends or fix the situation. Your parents will likely appreciate your maturity and willingness to make things right.
3. Early Teen Years (Ages 13-15): Approach your parents when everyone is calm and relaxed. Be honest about what you’ve done, why you did it, and how you feel about it. Discuss the steps you’re willing to take to rectify the situation or learn from your mistake. Show that you’re open to their guidance and that you value their input in finding a solution.
4. Late Teen Years (Ages 16-18): Approach your parents with maturity and honesty. Choose a time when you can have an uninterrupted conversation. Present the situation, your actions, and your thoughts on how to address the issue or make amends. Acknowledge any consequences that may arise and express your commitment to learning from the experience. Your parents will appreciate your accountability and responsible approach.

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Talking to your parents about a mistake is an important part of growing up and taking responsibility for your actions. Remember that your parents are there to support you and guide you through challenges. Approach the conversation with honesty, respect, and a willingness to learn and make things right. Regardless of your age, open communication is key to resolving the situation and maintaining a strong bond with your parents. Your courage in admitting your mistakes will not only lead to personal growth but also deepen the trust between you and your parents.

*Published August 24, 2023

Learn more about Parenting and how to communicate effectively with your kids.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

[av_heading heading=’Teaching “People-Skills” by Developmental Stage’ tag=’h2′ style=’blockquote modern-quote modern-left’ subheading_active=’subheading_below’ show_icon=” icon=’ue800′ font=’entypo-fontello’ size=” av-desktop-font-size-title=” av-medium-font-size-title=” av-small-font-size-title=” av-mini-font-size-title=” subheading_size=” av-desktop-font-size=” av-medium-font-size=” av-small-font-size=” av-mini-font-size=” icon_size=” av-desktop-font-size-1=” av-medium-font-size-1=” av-small-font-size-1=” av-mini-font-size-1=” color=” custom_font=” subheading_color=” seperator_color=” icon_color=” margin=” margin_sync=’true’ av-desktop-margin=” av-desktop-margin_sync=’true’ av-medium-margin=” av-medium-margin_sync=’true’ av-small-margin=” av-small-margin_sync=’true’ av-mini-margin=” av-mini-margin_sync=’true’ headline_padding=” headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-desktop-headline_padding=” av-desktop-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-medium-headline_padding=” av-medium-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-small-headline_padding=” av-small-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-mini-headline_padding=” av-mini-headline_padding_sync=’true’ padding=’10’ av-desktop-padding=” av-medium-padding=” av-small-padding=” av-mini-padding=” icon_padding=’10’ av-desktop-icon_padding=” av-medium-icon_padding=” av-small-icon_padding=” av-mini-icon_padding=” link=” link_target=” title_attr=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-1zrteuq’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”]
How to teach kids People-Skills at different ages
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Effective communication and strong people skills are essential life tools that contribute to a person’s success, happiness, and overall well-being. As a parent, you have the opportunity to guide your child in developing these valuable skills from a young age. Teaching them how to engage in meaningful conversations, listen actively, and build positive relationships will serve them throughout their lives. In this blog post, we’ll provide you with insights on how to help your child develop people skills and navigate various social interactions at different stages of their development.

1. Early Childhood (Ages 3-7):

   Lay the foundation for people skills by teaching your child the importance of using polite words and showing kindness. Encourage them to greet others and share their thoughts and feelings. Play interactive games that involve taking turns and collaborating with peers. Model active listening and emphasize the value of patience in conversations.

2. Late Childhood and Pre-Adolescence (Ages 8-12):

   Help your child develop more advanced people skills by teaching them how to initiate conversations, ask open-ended questions, and show genuine interest in others. Encourage them to participate in group activities that require teamwork and cooperation. Discuss the concept of empathy and help them understand different perspectives to foster understanding.

3. Early Teen Years (Ages 13-15):

   As your child enters their teenage years, focus on refining their communication skills. Teach them about body language, eye contact, and the importance of active listening. Discuss the impact of digital communication on interpersonal skills and encourage them to practice face-to-face interactions. Help them navigate conflicts by teaching assertiveness and conflict resolution techniques.

4. Late Teen Years (Ages 16-18):

   Empower your young adult with advanced people skills that will serve them in various social and professional settings. Discuss effective networking strategies, the art of public speaking, and the importance of adapting communication styles to different audiences. Encourage them to build meaningful connections by showing genuine interest in others’ lives and experiences.

[av_button label=’Schedule an appointment’ icon_select=’yes’ icon=’ue85b’ font=’entypo-fontello’ link=’page,2894′ link_target=” size=’large’ position=’center’ label_display=” title_attr=” size-text=” av-desktop-font-size-text=” av-medium-font-size-text=” av-small-font-size-text=” av-mini-font-size-text=” margin=’,,25px,’ padding=” padding_sync=’true’ av-desktop-margin=” av-desktop-margin_sync=’true’ av-desktop-padding=” av-desktop-padding_sync=’true’ av-medium-margin=” av-medium-margin_sync=’true’ av-medium-padding=” av-medium-padding_sync=’true’ av-small-margin=” av-small-margin_sync=’true’ av-small-padding=” av-small-padding_sync=’true’ av-mini-margin=” av-mini-margin_sync=’true’ av-mini-padding=” av-mini-padding_sync=’true’ color_options=” color=’theme-color’ custom_bg=’#444444′ custom_font=’#ffffff’ btn_color_bg=’theme-color’ btn_custom_grad_direction=’vertical’ btn_custom_grad_1=’#000000′ btn_custom_grad_2=’#ffffff’ btn_custom_grad_3=” btn_custom_grad_opacity=’0.7′ btn_custom_bg=’#444444′ btn_color_bg_hover=’theme-color-highlight’ btn_custom_bg_hover=’#444444′ btn_color_font=’theme-color’ btn_custom_font=’#ffffff’ btn_color_font_hover=’white’ btn_custom_font_hover=’#ffffff’ border=” border_width=” border_width_sync=’true’ border_color=” border_radius=” border_radius_sync=’true’ box_shadow=” box_shadow_style=’0px,0px,0px,0px’ box_shadow_color=” animation=” animation_duration=” animation_custom_bg_color=” animation_z_index_curtain=’100′ hover_opacity=” sonar_effect_effect=” sonar_effect_color=” sonar_effect_duration=’1′ sonar_effect_scale=” sonar_effect_opac=’0.5′ css_position=” css_position_location=’,,,’ css_position_z_index=” av-desktop-css_position=” av-desktop-css_position_location=’,,,’ av-desktop-css_position_z_index=” av-medium-css_position=” av-medium-css_position_location=’,,,’ av-medium-css_position_z_index=” av-small-css_position=” av-small-css_position_location=’,,,’ av-small-css_position_z_index=” av-mini-css_position=” av-mini-css_position_location=’,,,’ av-mini-css_position_z_index=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-11m4q5b’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”]

Developing people skills is a lifelong journey that begins in childhood and evolves throughout one’s life. As a parent, you have the opportunity to guide your child through each stage of their development, equipping them with the tools they need to communicate effectively and build positive relationships. Create an open environment where your child feels comfortable discussing their social experiences and asking questions. By emphasizing empathy, active listening, and effective communication, you help your child navigate the complexities of social interactions with confidence and authenticity. Your guidance will empower them to connect with others on a deeper level and thrive in both their personal and professional lives.

*Updated August 28, 2023

Learn more about Parenting and how to communicate effectively with your kids.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

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Strategies for connecting with kids about safer sex and boundaries
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Discussing the topic of sex with your children is an important aspect of their overall education and development. As a parent, it’s crucial to approach these conversations with sensitivity, honesty, and age-appropriate information. By tailoring your approach to your child’s developmental stage, you can create a safe space for open dialogue about sex. In this blog post, we’ll provide you with guidance on how to talk about sex with children of different age groups.

1. Early Childhood (Ages 3-7):

   During the early years, focus on teaching children about body autonomy, privacy, and appropriate touching. Use proper anatomical terms when discussing body parts to establish a foundation of comfort and understanding. Answer their questions about where babies come from in a simple and straightforward manner, emphasizing that these conversations are natural and something they can always talk to you about.

2. Late Childhood and Pre-Adolescence (Ages 8-12):

   As your child matures, expand the conversation to include more detailed information about puberty, reproductive systems, and the changes their bodies will undergo. Address their curiosity about relationships and emotions, emphasizing the importance of healthy boundaries and mutual respect. Introduce topics like consent, online safety, and the potential consequences of early sexual activity.

3. Early Teen Years (Ages 13-15):

   During this stage, your child’s understanding of relationships and attraction deepens. Discuss topics like consent, peer pressure, and the emotional aspects of relationships. Provide accurate information about contraception and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), stressing the importance of responsible choices. Encourage open communication and let them know that you are there to answer any questions they may have.

4. Late Teen Years (Ages 16-18):

   As your child approaches adulthood, engage in conversations about more complex aspects of sex, such as the emotional connection in intimate relationships. Talk about healthy communication, self-respect, and setting boundaries. Address the importance of making informed decisions and the potential consequences of risky behaviors.

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Tips from the Professionals:

• Be sure that you have a private place to have these discussions, especially as kids get old enough to be embarrassed.
• Be mindful of using fear as a motivator for good decisions. This usually backfires since it puts kids of all ages into a “fight-or-flight” mindset, which is not designed for working memory. For teens, it also gives them something else to rebel against.
• Watch for how they are responding. One way to gauge this is by thinking of a traffic light:
  • Green Light: They are attentive and even ask questions.
  • Yellow/Orange Light: They are starting to seem a little uncomfortable. Squirming, avoiding eye contact, etc.
  • Red Light: They are clearly disengaged from the conversation. They may even ask, “Are we done?” or, “Can I go now?” You might also see them attempting to change the subject.
• Be mindful of the conversation length. Younger kids will have far shorter attention spans. Try to shoot for short five-minute talks. Teenagers may give you 15-30 minutes . . . if you’re lucky. Remember, you can come back to these talks, but don’t overdo it.
• Look for “teaching opportunities.” Perhaps sex comes up in a movie or TV show. You can try to slip in a quick lesson. Again, don’t overdo it.

• And most important:

  • If they come to you with questions, stop what you are doing and answer them. Sometimes you cannot just stop (if you are cooking a meal or if you are working on a deadline, etc.) . . . In these cases, take a second and schedule a specific time that you would be happy to talk with them; ideally the same day. Bear in mind that by then they may have lost interest, or have gotten their question answered. Regardless, check in with them at the appointed time and see if they’ll tell you what they were wondering about anyway.

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Talking to your children about sex presents different challenges at different ages and therefore requires a delicate balance of honesty, sensitivity, and age-appropriate information. Create an atmosphere of trust and open communication, where your child feels comfortable coming to you with their questions and concerns. Remember that your role as a parent is not just to provide information, but also to guide and support your child as they navigate the complexities of relationships and their own bodies. By fostering a safe space for conversations about sex, you can empower your child to make informed decisions and form healthy relationships as they grow.

*Updated on August 28, 2023

Learn more about Parenting and how to communicate effectively with your kids.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

[av_heading heading=’The “Drug Talk” by Developmental Stage’ tag=’h2′ style=’blockquote modern-quote modern-left’ subheading_active=’subheading_below’ show_icon=” icon=’ue800′ font=’entypo-fontello’ size=” av-desktop-font-size-title=” av-medium-font-size-title=” av-small-font-size-title=” av-mini-font-size-title=” subheading_size=” av-desktop-font-size=” av-medium-font-size=” av-small-font-size=” av-mini-font-size=” icon_size=” av-desktop-font-size-1=” av-medium-font-size-1=” av-small-font-size-1=” av-mini-font-size-1=” color=” custom_font=” subheading_color=” seperator_color=” icon_color=” margin=” margin_sync=’true’ av-desktop-margin=” av-desktop-margin_sync=’true’ av-medium-margin=” av-medium-margin_sync=’true’ av-small-margin=” av-small-margin_sync=’true’ av-mini-margin=” av-mini-margin_sync=’true’ headline_padding=” headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-desktop-headline_padding=” av-desktop-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-medium-headline_padding=” av-medium-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-small-headline_padding=” av-small-headline_padding_sync=’true’ av-mini-headline_padding=” av-mini-headline_padding_sync=’true’ padding=’10’ av-desktop-padding=” av-medium-padding=” av-small-padding=” av-mini-padding=” icon_padding=’10’ av-desktop-icon_padding=” av-medium-icon_padding=” av-small-icon_padding=” av-mini-icon_padding=” link=” link_target=” title_attr=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-1zrteuq’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”]
Strategies for connecting with kids about life-and-death issues
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Discussing drugs with your children can be a challenging yet crucial conversation. As a parent, it’s important to approach these discussions in a way that is age-appropriate and informative. By adapting your approach to suit your child’s developmental stage, you can create a foundation of understanding and trust that will help guide them through the complexities of the world. In this blog post, we’ll provide you with tips on how to talk about drugs with children of different age groups.

1. Preschool and Early Elementary Years (Ages 3-7): During these early years, keep the conversation simple and age-appropriate. Use everyday situations to introduce concepts of medicine, substances, and safety. Focus on teaching them about the difference between things that help our bodies (like medicine prescribed by a doctor) and things that can harm our bodies. Emphasize the importance of asking an adult before taking anything.
2. Late Elementary and Middle School Years (Ages 8-12): As your child gets older, their curiosity about the world increases. Start introducing more detailed discussions about drugs, including both legal and illegal substances. Use news stories, movies, or TV shows as conversation starters. Be prepared to answer their questions honestly and provide information about the potential risks and consequences of drug use. Reinforce that they can come to you with questions without fear of getting into trouble.
3. Early High School Years (Ages 13-15): During this stage, peer pressure and a desire for independence become more significant. Talk openly about the risks associated with drugs, including addiction, health problems, and legal consequences. Encourage critical thinking and decision-making skills by discussing real-life scenarios and helping them practice saying “no” in challenging situations. They may roll their eyes and say it’s corny, but they are listening.
4. Late High School Years (Ages 16-18): As your child nears adulthood, they will face more complex choices. Engage in candid conversations about the effects of drugs on brain development, academic performance, and overall life goals. Discuss the importance of making responsible choices and setting boundaries. Keep communication lines open and assure them that they can always turn to you for guidance without fear of getting into trouble.

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[av_content_slider heading=’Drugs and Teenagers: A reality check’ columns=’1′ navigation=’arrows’ control_layout=’av-control-default’ nav_visibility_desktop=” nav_arrow_color=” nav_arrow_bg_color=” nav_dots_color=” nav_dot_active_color=” margin=” margin_sync=’true’ padding=” padding_sync=’true’ av-desktop-margin=” av-desktop-margin_sync=’true’ av-desktop-padding=” av-desktop-padding_sync=’true’ av-medium-margin=” av-medium-margin_sync=’true’ av-medium-padding=” av-medium-padding_sync=’true’ av-small-margin=” av-small-margin_sync=’true’ av-small-padding=” av-small-padding_sync=’true’ av-mini-margin=” av-mini-margin_sync=’true’ av-mini-padding=” av-mini-padding_sync=’true’ font_color=” color=” background_color=” bg_color=’#ffffff’ gradient_color_direction=’vertical’ gradient_color_1=’#000000′ gradient_color_2=’#ffffff’ gradient_color_3=” border=” border_width=” border_width_sync=’true’ border_color=” border_radius=” border_radius_sync=’true’ box_shadow=” box_shadow_style=’0px,0px,0px,0px’ box_shadow_color=” animation=’slide’ transition_speed=” autoplay=’true’ interval=’5′ autoplay_stopper=’aviaTBautoplay_stopper’ heading_tag=” heading_class=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-vgpnbj’ sc_version=’1.0′]
[av_content_slide title=’61%’ heading_tag=” heading_class=” link=” linktarget=” title_attr=” av_uid=’av-llfjhika’ sc_version=’1.0′]
Drug use went up by 61% among 8th graders between 2016 and 2020.
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[av_content_slide title=’62%’ heading_tag=” heading_class=” link=” linktarget=” title_attr=” av_uid=’av-llfjici9′ sc_version=’1.0′]
Sixty-two percent of high school seniors have abused alcohol.
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[av_content_slide title=’50%’ heading_tag=” heading_class=” link=” linktarget=” title_attr=” av_uid=’av-llfjj0e7′ sc_version=’1.0′]
HALF of all teenagers have misused drugs at least once.
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*From the National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics

Conclusions

Talking to your children about drugs at different ages requires an adaptable approach. The key is to foster an environment of trust and open communication, where your child feels comfortable discussing their thoughts, concerns, and questions; at all ages, this means telling them that they can come to you with issues related to drugs without fear of getting into trouble. Remember that building a foundation of knowledge and understanding from a young age will empower your child to make informed decisions as they navigate the world around them. Your role as a parent is not only to inform but also to support and guide them through life’s challenges.

*Published on August 17, 2023

Learn more about Parenting and how to communicate effectively with your kids.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Avoidance in teenagers can be infuriating, but try to remember that the impulse control center of the brain is not done developing until about age 25 (left medial pre-frontal cortex–behind your forehead, slightly to the left).

What’s the first image that pops into your head when you think, “Ostrich?” It’s probably either an image of one running, pecking at somebody or a cartoon of an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand.

Because teenagers are brand new, growing adults, they are going to make mistakes. One of those mistakes can be avoidance of responsibility, conflict and natural consequences for their actions (that’s the head being stuck in the sand). As frustrating as it is, it’s important not to assume it’s simple laziness or an intentionally disrespectful personal attack on you. Most of the time, the avoidance is preceded by something that triggered it. Sometimes the trigger is quite obvious and easier to discuss. Other times it can be surprising to find out what your teen is responding to. Quite often, however, it has less to do with you than it does an unconscious motivation that leads to thoughts, which in turn generate behavioral options. The younger the teen, or the less emotionally developed, the fewer options there are; and those options are more likely to miss certain important consequences.

How to handle it

First, if it’s not already clear, do not take it personally and fly off the handle. Be curious about what their unconscious minds are trying to show you. Most parents of teens know that timing is everything when it comes to teachable moments. Look for times when they seem more at ease, likely not as soon as they walk in the door from school. A balanced approach is important. You know your teenager and know what they respond better to, but here are a few examples to consider:

• Be matter-of-fact, not overly sappy, not freaked out anxious
• Give the benefit of the doubt; don’t assume the worst
• Be specific, but not nit-picky, in describing the problem, being sure to interject benefit of the doubt if they seem to get defensive
• Let them speak their side. Listen to them, and work to understand their perspective, even if you disagree with it
• Ask them for alternative options that they can use next time avoidance is an issue. Give them adjustments to their ideas. Coach them through thinking of alternatives

Don’t push the time. Bear in mind their attention span, especially for difficult topics. And remember, this is their first time being a teenager. . . they will make mistakes; it’s also your first time parenting them during their adolescent years, so you’ll make mistakes, too. It’s ok. If you are feeling uncertain, please get in touch with me.

Learn more about Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.