Category: Personal development

Personal development By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Dealing with Toxic People

Dealing with Toxic People: How to Protect Yourself and Support Them

Recently, there has been a lot of attention on how to recognize and minimize contact with toxic people. While it is important to take appropriate steps to protect yourself from such people, it is also helpful to know how to deal with or even support a toxic person when possible, rather than abandoning them completely.

In this article, we will focus on ways to protect and support yourself while dealing with toxic people. However, we will also address when it may be time to end a relationship in the last section.

How to Protect Yourself

First, be honest with yourself. Do you want to continue being friends with this person if they improve? Are you willing to put in the effort to establish and maintain healthy boundaries? If the answer is no, that is okay. You are under no obligation to be a part of this person’s improvement. But, it is important to recognize when somebody wants to change and is actively trying to change. Here are some tips on protecting yourself:

  • Don’t Feed the Bear! – Do NOT feed the toxic behaviors by participating with them! Insulating yourself from toxicity is helpful to the toxic person, though they may not admit it.
  • Know Your Limits – Even if you are a mental health professional, you cannot be a friend’s or loved one’s therapist. Do not take on that role as you risk becoming too entangled in the intricacies that a therapeutic relationship should be addressing (not to mention professional ethics!). The techniques outlined below are not therapy; they are self-care for you and potentially helpful for the toxic person’s growth should they take that on.
  • Set Clear Boundaries – Try to use the same language when you remind them of these boundaries. This consistency helps keep things simple and clear, and less susceptible to the manipulative twisting that comes with toxic methods. Some examples of boundaries would be:
    • “When you start gossiping or being negative in general, I’ll let you know, but then you have to stop or I’ll need to leave.”
    • “If you insist on lying about something, I will not participate. I’ll challenge the lie, but if you don’t own it, I’ll need to leave.”
    • “Talking about a tough situation is fine, but if you begin blaming people, or start feeling sorry for yourself, I’ll need to leave.”
  • Enforce Those Boundaries – If you have set a boundary that you will leave should somebody continue to badmouth someone else, then get up and leave if they continue. Period. You’ll need to stand your ground should they later launch a guilt trip toward you. You can be polite, but firm. Express that you care about them and will, therefore, not feed the toxic vibes that could tarnish your friendship. Sometimes the tone may be more firm than polite, but there’s no reason for you to be mean or something you’re not. Assertiveness is always fine.
  • Limit Your Time with Toxic People – If you find that your friend or family member is in a much healthier frame of mind when you go to the park, then spend more time at the park. If you realize that they are especially difficult when they drink alcohol, then do not drink with them.

Be Supportive, But Not of the Toxicity

When toxic people are going through a difficult time, it’s okay to offer support and compassion. However, if they are consistently negative and refuse to take steps to improve their situation, it’s time to step back. You can still care about them without allowing their toxic behavior to drag you down.

  • Practice Compassion

    It’s important to remember that toxic people often behave the way they do as a coping mechanism. While their behavior may be hurtful, it’s often a reflection of their own inner pain. Compassion does not mean tolerating toxic behavior. It means acknowledging their pain while still maintaining your own boundaries and self-respect.

Recognizing When It’s Time to Move On

If you feel drained, exhausted, or unhappy more often than not after spending time with someone, it may be time to consider letting them go. Trust your gut and listen to your intuition; it will usually guide you in the right direction. However, there are other signs to look out for that indicate it’s time to move on.

Signs It’s Time to Let Go

  1. Trust Your Gut

    Your intuition is not prone to error, so if you feel like it’s time to move on, trust yourself.

  2. They Cannot See the Problem

    If you have tried to communicate with them about the issue, but they are not acknowledging or taking it seriously, it may be time to let go.

  3. They Aren’t Trying to Change

    If they see the problem but aren’t taking steps to change their behavior, consider moving on.

  4. You Are Becoming Toxic

    If you notice that you are behaving negatively or becoming toxic yourself as a result of spending time with this person, it’s time to let them go.

  5. You Are Losing Sleep

    If you find yourself losing sleep worrying about the next time you see them, it’s time to let go.

  6. You keep getting let down

    If they repeatedly let you down or don’t follow through on plans, it may be time to move on.

  7. They regularly ruin your day

    If they consistently bring negativity into your life and leave you feeling drained or upset, consider moving on.

  8. They regularly ruin your day

    If they consistently bring negativity into your life and leave you feeling drained or upset, consider moving on.

  9. You feel guilty for not being around them

    If they try to manipulate you using guilt, and you feel obligated to be around them, it’s time to move on.

  10. They become abusive

    If they become physically or emotionally/verbally abusive, it’s time to cut ties immediately. It is OK to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline even if your situation is not with a romantic partner; violence in our personal lives is never okay and they will be able to steer you toward safety. Do not hesitate to call 9-1-1 if you are in danger or are not sure.

Conclusions

Remember, it’s important to prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being. While it may be difficult to let go of someone, it’s necessary for your own happiness and growth. Trust yourself and know that you deserve healthy and positive relationships in your life. Please get in touch if you are not sure what to do about a toxic person in your life. I am here to help.

Learn more about Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Personal development By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Understanding Toxic People

Dealing with Toxic People

Dealing with toxic people can be a difficult task, but it’s important to remember that with the right knowledge and practice, you can protect yourself and avoid being pulled into their negative vortex. This article will provide you with some helpful tips on dealing with toxic people while maintaining a healthy and happy life.

It’s important to understand that there is no guarantee that these people will change, as toxic behaviors are often deeply rooted in their personalities. These behaviors may have developed as survival skills, especially in toxic families. As a result, toxic people may exhibit very rigid behavior sets that are hard to change. Many toxic individuals may also struggle with depression and anxiety, which can lead to toxic thoughts and behaviors that are not properly managed with therapy, meditation, mindfulness, exercise, nutrition, and sometimes medication.

Understanding Toxic Behaviors

It’s important to remember that toxic people are often kind individuals at their core. In fact, you may even catch glimpses of their likable features from time to time. However, toxic people may succumb to their darker side and exhibit negative behaviors that push away the people who care about them. This behavior is not indicative of a happy and confident person, but rather a person who is suffering and often does not want to infect others with their negativity. Their intense loneliness may drive them to be around people, but they interact in ways that push others away, thereby verifying their self-concept of being unlikeable.

Toxic behaviors often arise from genetic conditions like depression and anxiety or from circumstances that lead to Post Traumatic Stress and resulting depression/anxiety. While these factors are not under the direct control of the toxic individual, it is still their responsibility to manage their behaviors. You can be part of the solution, but it is crucial not to task yourself with fixing them.

The likable features of a toxic person are typically the very features that represent openness and therefore vulnerability. It is this vulnerability that the toxic individual protects with a tough, toxic exterior.

Recognizing Toxic People

It is essential to understand how to recognize toxic people. Here are some features of toxic people:

Consistently negative: Toxic people extract negativity from almost any situation. They extract rejection or failure rather than seeing reality in a healthy way. They may also anticipate rejection before anything has even happened.

Delighting in revenge: Toxic people think that other people will delight in stories of “teaching people lessons.” This trait is taken to extremes and seems to dominate much of their conversation.

Stirs up drama: Whether through gossip or blatant dishonesty, toxic personalities go to great lengths to drag people into the same vortex of misery they find themselves in. The trouble is that they often don’t realize that they are doing it.

It’s important to keep in mind that we are talking about patterns, not isolated examples of these behaviors. We are usually talking about people who show a pattern of several of these traits, not just one or two. If you are unsure, talk to your trusted friends and family or get in touch with me, and I will be honest with you. If it seems like you may carry excessive toxicity, we will discuss how to overcome it.

Identifying Toxic People: 6 Traits to Look Out For

If you want to learn how to deal with toxic people, the first step is to recognize the traits that make them toxic. Here are six traits to look out for:

1. Excessive self-centeredness

Toxic people make everything about themselves. They often interrupt conversations to talk about their experiences and achievements, and they cannot allow the conversation to focus on others for very long.

2. Selfishness

Toxic individuals may be very focused on justice and equality, but this crosses over into selfishness. They may go to great lengths to point out how others did not put in their fair share, rather than offering to help.

3. Need to be right

Toxic people often work extra hard to prove that they are always right, even when they are not. This can come across as narcissistic, and it is a trait that often isolates them from others.

4. Frequent dishonesty

Dishonesty helps toxic individuals mask their true feelings and manipulate the truth to create circumstances that support their need to be right. It is a sign of deep suffering rather than a healthy and happy personality.

5. Victim mentality

Toxic people often see themselves as the victims of many injustices, and they may tell their stories over and over again, sometimes in a heroic light. While it is important to understand their past, it is equally important not to allow yourself to get dragged down by their story or guilt trips.

6. Grudges

Toxic people may carry generalized grudges against authority figures or innocent victims, and they may seek to punish those they perceive as hurting them, consciously or unconsciously. It is important not to play into their grudges or mistreatment of others.

Conclusion

Recognizing these traits can help you to identify toxic people in your life. Remember, toxic personalities are an elaborate set of self-protect mechanisms, and compassion is the highest form of loving-kindness when dealing with them. In the next article, we will discuss how to insulate yourself from toxic people without abandoning them completely.

Learn more about Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Mindfulness Personal development By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Mindfulness and honesty

To completely experience the here-and-now, truthful mindfulness is required

Mindfulness and honesty are intricately intertwined as you must be completely honest with yourself about what is going on at any given moment. Genuine honesty first relates to one’s inner truth about instincts and emotions—even when conflicting or involving ambivalence. Once this inner genuineness is addressed, it relates to congruence in action and speech toward others.

This sort of mindful honesty is easily recognized. For example, one can clearly tell the difference between the musician who has only perfected the technique, but not connected with the emotions within the music…until that is, that musician gets into their ‘groove.’  At that point, the audience feels or intuits a change in the meaning of both the music and the musician. Within that genuine groove, skill magnifies the enjoyment of music in a way that the less skilled musician who is in a genuine groove is no less enjoyable.

Furthermore, when we practice mindful honesty ourselves, somebody else’s lack thereof may still be a more tolerable experience.

In a nutshell, when angry, experience and respond appropriately to your genuine, legitimate anger; be honest with yourself about what you are feeling. Remember that those feelings are trying to redirect your intention to joy or contentment; balance. Same with sadness, frustration, happiness, etc.

Learn more about Mindfulness-based Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Mindfulness Personal development By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Mindfulness, Discipline, Application

Begin personal change with mindfulness, discipline, and action

Mindfulness

Personal change is a process that requires a conscious effort to shift one’s behavior and thoughts in a new direction. This process can be initiated by mindfulness, which involves being present and aware of one’s thoughts and feelings in the moment. By practicing mindfulness, you can become more attuned to your own behavior and thought patterns, which can help you identify areas for improvement and personal growth.

Discipline

However, mindfulness alone is not enough to bring about lasting change. To truly transform your behavior and thought patterns, you need to use a disciplined approach to follow through with the application of behaviors and thoughts that bring you closer to the results you want. This requires a commitment to action and the willingness to take deliberate steps toward your goals.

Action

Discipline involves setting specific goals and holding yourself accountable for achieving them. This may involve creating a plan of action, breaking down larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps, and monitoring your progress along the way. It may also require making sacrifices and prioritizing your time and resources in order to stay on track.

Action is the final key to personal change. Without taking action, all the mindfulness and discipline in the world will not lead to tangible results. By putting your plan into action and making a consistent effort to change your behavior and thought patterns, you can create the momentum necessary to achieve your goals and make a lasting personal change.

Learn more about Mindfulness-based Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Mindfulness Personal development By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Mindfulness: Understanding and Knowing

Practicing Mindfulness: Balancing Intellectual Understanding and Experiential Knowing

When it comes to practicing mindfulness, it’s important to recognize the value of both intellectual understanding and experiential knowing. Intellectual understanding refers to knowing something ‘in-theory,’ while experiential knowing goes beyond theory and is actually experienced in reality. For example, you might intellectually understand what jumping out of a plane must be like, but you do not experientially know it. Your intellectual understanding may be enough to tell you, “Nope!” while your experiential knowing is grateful for listening to that intellectual understanding.

The intellect can be a wonderful teacher as long as you are open to the experiential knowledge it is trying to teach. If you are defensive and closed to the reality that you are experiencing, you’ll likely feel some form of suffering. Remember, according to many mindfulness teachers, including myself, suffering arises when we do not accept reality as it is. In psychology, this is called “Cognitive Dissonance.”

Reflecting on our experience with our rational mind (the intellect), without judgment, is a key aspect of practicing mindfulness. By using the “full” mind to know our reality, both the intellectual/rational mind and the emotionally-experiential mind, we can cultivate a sense of balance. This hybrid mind, which integrates both thinking and feeling minds, is called the Wise Mind. Accessing both intellect and emotion allows us to make wise decisions and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our experiences.

Learn more about Mindfulness-based Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Mindfulness Personal development By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Creating the Mindful Mind

The Practice of Mindfulness

The word “mindfulness” is becoming more familiar to the general public, and that’s a good thing. In a world full of violence and heartache, a mindful mind can help relieve suffering. Mindfulness is the practice of noticing what “is” without the addition of judgments of good or bad. For example, think of a time when you experienced physical pain but remained calm and found that the pain was not as bad as you would typically experience it. That was a moment of spontaneous mindfulness. We suffer when we are attached to things being “good” instead of “bad.” Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, Ram Dass, and others state that we suffer when we do not accept the current moment as it is – in other words, we suffer when we are not mindful. This is an important concept to understand.

It’s essential to become acquainted with mindfulness and the role it can play in your life. It’s also important to have an accurate understanding of what mindfulness means and how you can cultivate it based on your unique personality. For some, creativity is a path to mindfulness, while others find martial arts, meditation, focused curiosity, and asking certain contemplative questions throughout the day helpful in cultivating mindfulness.

Regardless of how you cultivate mindfulness, you’ll find that it starts to show up outside of your practice. At first, you may experience that flow state, sometimes called metacognition, in small flashes. With more practice, it will become more familiar and longer-lasting.

Mindfulness Practices

Like anything in life, we don’t just turn on mastery of mindfulness. Instead, we start with some concrete practices and gradually move towards mastery. Here are some practices to start with as you begin to explore your own self-awareness:

1. Meditation

Meditation is a mindfulness practice in and of itself. It’s important to note that the idea of meditation is not to make the mind stop thinking thoughts, as that would be mindlessness. Instead, the goal is to achieve a focused awareness of what thoughts are passing through your mind. When you start a mindfulness meditation practice, you may notice that all the noise in your mind appears to get louder. This is supposed to happen since you’re becoming more aware of that kind of noise. As you become more mindful of the noise, you get more accustomed to it, which in turn allows you to remain relaxed and aware of what “is” without judgments of good or bad.

A daily meditation practice should happen twice per day, once in the morning and once before bed, lasting about 3-5 minutes (longer is fine). To start, use a simple single-pointed meditation with your focus returning to your breath each time you realize that you have become distracted away from it.

2. Gratitude

When you take the time to notice what you are grateful for, you reward yourself with gratitude itself. This helps you train your optimism and repeat the mindful process.

3. Compassion

When you see somebody behaving poorly, such as being rude to a waiter or waitress, practice understanding that this is the behavior of somebody who is suffering. Gaining this perspective helps you tune into your authentic self where mindfulness comes from. Noticing that you care for others is a practice in cultivating mindfulness of compassion.

4. Kindness

Accessing your own kind nature is key to cultivating mindfulness through kindness. You can start by turning inwards and finding kindness within yourself, and then aim to extend that kindness towards others. Kindness can also be a result of compassion and gratitude.

5. Optimism

Optimism is a powerful practice that can be easily improved through repetition. The more you practice optimism, the better you get at it. Optimism can help cultivate mindfulness by tapping into the reward mechanisms of the mind. When you are optimistic and make changes that help you feel better (as a result of mindfulness), you reinforce mindfulness and the resulting optimism. This creates a great cycle that can help you cultivate mindfulness and positivity in your life.

By practicing kindness and optimism, you can cultivate mindfulness and create positive changes in your life. Give them a try and see how they can benefit you

Learn more about Mindfulness-based Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Mindfulness Personal development By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Mindfulness Practice

Mindfulness: The Art of Being Present

When you look at the child in this picture, notice the 10,000-mile stare. This gaze is called the “10,000-mile stare,” and it happens when someone is totally absorbed in the moment. His eyes are open, but he is completely present with the smell of the flower. That’s mindfulness: absorption in the present moment. No judgment, just presence.

Mindfulness is simply noticing what is, without judging it or making assumptions as to why it is this way or that. It’s allowing your mind to do what it is designed to do at the most basic level: Notice reality, just as it is. Mindfulness master-teacher John Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness as “paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally, to the unfolding of experience moment to moment.”

Now, it’s worth pointing out that Kabat-Zinn is a highly educated and respected professional with a Ph.D. in molecular biology from MIT.

Mindfulness practice helps everything from stress, anxiety, and depression to motivation, frustration, and insomnia. A mindfulness-based approach gives you the ability to recognize your anxiety triggers and develop an intuitive method to relieve anxiety when it shows up.

Meditation is a powerful way to practice mindfulness because it focuses not on an outcome like “no thoughts, no mind,” but instead on simple awareness of what the mind is doing. This is also called Meta-Cognition, or Meta-Awareness. The idea of attaining “no mind” works well for some, but leaves others bewildered as to why they can’t ‘make’ their mind stop working. To be clear, we don’t say “mindlessness,” instead, we say “mindfulness” because we are increasing our awareness of the mind’s antics for a period so that we get accustomed to it.

Mindfulness Practice: So Simple, It’s Hard

Many people talk about practices like mindfulness and meditation (the two are not unrelated; in my approach, meditation is an exercise in mindfulness) as being quite frustrating in the beginning, like they just can’t get them “right.” This is the stumbling block for most of us. We think that mindfulness means that we are not distracted by anything and that we are 100% in the present, 100% of the time, with zero distractions. But that’s not true. Mindfulness is much easier than that. The practice of mindfulness can seem difficult because we are not used to things being as they are. We add judgment and assumptions — the distractions. However, these distractions can be used as leverage. If we use meditation practice to help us release attachments from being perfect, then we become mindful of what it feels like to be distracted. In other words, as soon as we realize that we are distracted by judgments, assumptions, etc., we simply breathe in and think, “Ah. This is what distraction feels like. Ok.” Then we move on, exhaling, grateful for the realization that there is no reason to judge judgment (but if we do, breathe in and notice what it feels like to judge judgment, then exhale).

Once you have formed the new habit of letting go of attachment to perfection, doing it “right,” etc., mindfulness does kick in as a second-nature skill. So, how do we cultivate it? Well, meditation is a good start.

Mindfulness Practices

There are countless ways to cultivate mindfulness, so it’s essential to find a practice that feels natural to you. Here are a few examples:

Mindful Eating

Mindful eating involves slowing down, eliminating distractions, and fully experiencing the act of eating. For instance, let’s consider a simple yet healthy snack such as raisins. Take one raisin and place it in your palm. Observe the texture, shape, and color. Is it shiny? Does it have a stem hole on the tip? Then, gently roll the raisin between your thumb and index finger, feeling the texture, grooves, and softness. Next, bring the raisin to your nose, inhale its aroma, and notice any associated feelings it may elicit. Afterward, place the raisin in your mouth, but don’t immediately chew it. Instead, explore its texture with your tongue, roll it between your cheek and gum, and savor the flavor. Finally, when you’re ready, bite down slowly and experience the explosion of flavor. Take your time to swallow, and feel how the raisin goes down your esophagus and into your stomach. This technique works well with any food and can help you eat slower, enjoy food more, and consume less because you’re not rushing or overeating.

Mindfulness with Nature

Take a walk or sit on your patio, and immerse yourself in nature. Use all your senses to notice what you see, hear, smell, and feel. Pay attention to your body’s sensations and how you’re feeling. Try holding each position until you feel a shift in the wind, a bird chirping, or when the sun peeks through. Allow mindfulness to guide your practice. Alternatively, sit and observe nature around you, feeling the waves, the breeze, and everything else.

Mindful Body Awareness

Mindful body awareness is often part of Progressive Relaxation. Begin by lying down with a pillow under your knees to relieve lower back pressure. Starting with your toes, scan your body for tension, relaxation, or any other sensations, and move up to your feet, ankles, calves, shins, and knees. Breathe in and flex your muscles if you feel tension, then exhale as you release them.

You can also use your pulse for body awareness. Begin by feeling your heartbeat in your chest or place your hand over your heart if you’re having difficulty finding it. Next, find your carotid pulse using your middle and ring fingers, located to the side of the windpipe, and try locating it with your mind only. Be patient, as the pulse gets harder to locate the farther away from your heart you get. There are several pulse points on the body, including the head, arms, thumbs, and index fingers. The hardest one to locate is usually in the big toe. If you feel frustrated, inhale gently, acknowledge your feelings, and return to your practice.

If you come across any unique mindfulness practices, please email them to me at jonathan@gatehealing.com, and I’ll add them to this list.

Mindfulness through Study

Reading authors like John Kabat-Zinn, Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, Tich Naht Hahn, Alan Watts, and Ram Dass can help cultivate mindfulness. Check out my book list for more ideas.

Learn more about Mindfulness-based Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Mindfulness Personal development By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Mindfulness Series

I’ve discussed the importance of mindfulness in almost every post on my blog, so I figure that doing a brief series on mindfulness would be helpful.

Visit the Mindfulness Archives to see all articles about Mindfulness.

Learn more about Mindfulness-based Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Mindfulness Personal development By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Metacognition: Awareness of Awareness

How Mindfulness Practice Cultivates Metacognition

Metacognition is a valuable outcome of mindfulness practice. Mindfulness is the practice of noticing what is in your awareness without judging it as good or bad. For example, consider the mild pain associated with a splinter in your finger. Mindfulness of the mild pain would simply acknowledge the pain signal and suggest removing the splinter to relieve the pain. In contrast, suffering would involve negative self-talk and worry about potential infections.

Mindfulness is an example of being aware of what you are aware of, which is a form of metacognition. Practicing mindfulness can help you develop metacognition.

Cultivating Metacognition in Daily Life

1. Meditation

Regular meditation stimulates the pre-frontal cortex, which is responsible for metacognition. The diaphragmatic breathing technique, which can be found in this meditation article, helps stimulate this part of the brain. A specific focus, such as focusing on the breath, helps to keep the mind focused on mindfulness and tame the “monkey mind.” Giving the mind the task of observing the breath helps it stay grounded and focused on the present moment. If the mind wanders off, bring it back to the breath.

2. Ask Yourself Good Questions

Throughout the day, ask yourself questions that encourage introspection and inner focus, such as:

  • How do I know I’m awake right now (vs being in a dream)?
  • Who am I showing up as right now? My best self? My outgoing self? My shy self? Etc.
  • Is what I am doing right now an example of my authentic self?
  • What is each part of my body feeling right now?
  • What emotions am I feeling right now?
  • Any other questions that move you towards an inner focus on your experience of this present moment?

Notice that these questions all emphasize the present moment. Mindfulness and metacognition happen in the present moment. Your answers may shift from moment to moment, and that is okay. Just observe the shift and consider how it feels. Writing down your thoughts can be a helpful tool for introspection.

3. Journal

Cathartic writing can be a powerful way to express your metacognition regarding your thoughts about your daily experiences, your inner life, and how you write your “life script.” Focus on the present moment when journaling. Stay with whatever catches your attention and move to the next moment’s experience. If you find yourself writing about experiences from earlier in the day or about things that may happen in the future, make sure to capture your thoughts and feelings in the present moment as you contemplate those non-here-and-now moments.

Remember that cultivating metacognition is a process of practice and patience. You will gradually notice progress.

Learn more about Minfulness-based Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Mindfulness Personal development By new_cgekr3 0 Comments

Pain is a Feeling . . . Suffering is a Thought

The Difference between Pain and Suffering

When you stub your toe, you feel pain physically. Suffering, on the other hand, is the mental turmoil that arises when you judge the pain, the situation, or even yourself. For instance, when you blame a sidewalk for your clumsiness or call it stupid, you are only causing more suffering for yourself. The sidewalk is just being a sidewalk and is not trying to hurt you. When you become aware of the difference, you can practice mindfulness to help you remedy pain and discomfort, rather than making it worse by overthinking and causing yourself more suffering.

In Pain? Show Up Anyway!

During a martial arts class a few years ago, I resisted a fall and ended up breaking my tibia. The pain was excruciating, and I was suffering even more by getting tensed up. My teacher came over and reminded me that I had one injury in my leg and didn’t need to make it two by hurting my head with my negative thoughts. He stabilized my leg and took me to the ER. After getting my super-cool space boot, I decided not to attend the next class because I had broken my tibia. However, my teacher advised me not to skip class just because of an injury.

If you are tired of suffering from pain, contact us at jonathan@gatehealing.com. We can help you learn how to practice mindfulness and deal with your pain.

Learn more about Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.