Category: Stress Management

The Difference Between Feeling Stress and Being Stressed

When you feel stress, it moves through you without getting stuck; it informs you of your circumstances (bills piling up, or having a sick kiddo on a day that you have a deadline at work, etc.). You can leverage it to provide you energy to focus and perform at a higher level, and then it dissipates.

When you are stressed (i.e. being stressed), you have taken on the identity of stress itself, which makes it far more difficult to release it, to let it go, to let it inform you. Instead, it paralyzes you and becomes parasitic by feeding on your feelings and sucking the energy to take care of what needs to be done.

A handy metaphor frequently used to describe the authentic self vs our circumstances is the sky and clouds: You are the blue sky, always there regardless of the passing clouds and storms. The stress, or your circumstances, are the clouds that always pass. Even after a hurricane or a tornado, the blue sky always returns, even if it’s tough to believe it while you feel trapped and scared in your cellar.

Learn more about Stress Management Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Benefits of Learning to Relax

People sometimes say that learning to relax can be easier said than done. And frequently, that’s because we overthink things. It’s rather cyclic. But the cycle of stressful thinking can be broken. Here are some ideas to start with:

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Meditation

Meditation is an exercise in mindfulness, or noticing what the mind is doing without judgment or trying to alter it. This may sound odd since meditation is frequently said to involve “clearing the mind,” or “stopping your thoughts.” What well-intended teachers are referring to is the fact that as you become accustomed to the constant noise that the mind generates, it becomes like wallpaper in the background, so much so that you are no longer distracted by it. Like when your air conditioner or heater turns on but you don’t notice it because you are used to it.

Becoming mindful allows you to relax in the moment because you are becoming more okay with reality as it is. This does not mean that you don’t feel things, it just means that you are clearing the mind of the clutter that judgment creates.

Meditation involves sitting or lying down (with proper posture), and practicing smooth, rhythmic belly-breathing while noticing (not changing) what the mind is doing. When you become engaged with your thoughts in a judging way, or in a way that creates discomfort, you simply name it (“Ah, I’m distracted,” or “Oh, I’m judging myself or my situation), then come back to the experience of your breath. Many master meditators describe the noisy judging mind as the ‘monkey mind’ that jumps all over the place; the way to calm the monkey mind is to give it a job of simply watching the breathing as the thoughts chatter in the background. And when you notice the monkey jumping back to judging thoughts, etc., you simply bring him or her back to the experience of breathing.

Articles on Mindfulness can be found here.

Progressive Relaxation

Meditation and relaxation can look very similar, but the intention of each is a little different:

• Meditation is designed to help you see the antics of the mind without being so distracted by them. This may help relaxation, but the relaxation itself is secondary
• Relaxation, on the other hand, is more designed to focus on the muscles and nervous system of the body.

Progressive relaxation is an exercise that involves becoming aware of tension in your body, intentionally flexing each area, and then relaxing it. Here’s a basic approach:

1. Start by lying down with a pillow under your knees
2. Scan your body from head to toe or toe to head, noting areas that seem tense
3. Next, starting at your feet, (either both or the left side then the right side of the body), inhale while tensing the muscles in your feet, then exhale while releasing the muscles. You may choose to do this a couple of times, but once is fine
4. Then simply move up the body, one muscle or muscle group at a time, and flex the muscle(s) on the inhale, then release on the exhale
5. Repeat this, attending to each part of your body. Be sure you cover both the front and back of your body. Experiment with how you move around your body. Do what feels best; some work from feet to head, others from left to right.

This can be done sitting as well. One of the most helpful involves learning to relax the shoulders: Inhale and bring both shoulders up towards your ears (a shrug). Feel the shrug. Then on the exhale, dramatically release! Just let those shoulders fall with the exhale.

Breathing Exercises

While Yoga and Tai Chi address these, I want to give you three specific exercises that can be done anywhere. Please check with your doctor, especially if you have any heart or lung/breathing issues! Read about proper breathing here.

1. 4-7-8 Breathing. Inhale to a count of 4. Hold to a count of 7 (some find it easier to use 4-6-8…this is fine). Exhale to a count of 8. This means that you need to get in enough air on the inhale to be able to hold to 7 and exhale to 8. Most folks find this requires a couple of tries to get the timing right. Your count does not need to be slow. My count is in seconds (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds). Yours may be faster or slower. You’ll likely need to inhale a little deeper than normal and exhale a little slower than normal.
2. Square Breathing. Square breathing is also based on counting, but this time, it is 4-4-4-4. Inhale to 4, hold to 4, exhale to 4, and repeat this 4 times. (You can keep repeating in blocks of 4).

Both of these are doing a lot of biochemical and brainwave changes. Get in touch if you have questions. Also, consider following my Gate Healing, PLLC Facebook page since I frequently share neuroscience and biology articles that address this kind of thing.

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Yoga, T’ai Chi, etc.

Some people prefer Yoga because it is more stationary and full of wonderful stretching. This is great! Yoga is a great place to learn meditation and breathing. Those who prefer Yoga will eventually find that they enter a flow state through this practice. I tend to suggest that folks start with a simple Hatha Yoga before trying more complicated forms.

Other people, like me, prefer a little more movement. T’ai Chi is a graceful martial art that looks like you are moving through water. It is also a great place to meditate and breathe. It is more of a moving meditation. Those who enjoy it will get into a flow state. Yang style T’ai Chi Chuan is the more fluid and consistently graceful form of T’ai Chi, while T’ai Chi Chin has moments of graceful speed/pop. There are many versions of T’ai Chi, please get in touch with me if you have questions.

Going for a walk in nature

I love the sound of the beach. The water, the birds, all of it. Even the smell relaxes me. But I seem to find my time in the mountains even more relaxing. As it turns out, science supports the idea that ‘green space’ is more relaxing than ‘blue space’ (water). If I remember correctly, being around trees and plants (ie in the woods) puts you around material that is both living and decaying; the decaying trees, etc. put off a chemical that calms the human brain! Of course, the sounds of birds, and the shade and colors of the sun through green leaves also have an impact visually.

Remember though, if blue spaces relax you more, then go with that! Just because science backs up one thing, it does not mean that is what is best for you!

Warm bath or shower

While many find showers to be a bit more invigorating, they can be very relaxing as well. The warmth of the water of a bath or shower has a relaxing effect, and when you breathe in the moistened air, it helps your lungs. Further helping the relaxation is the sudden temperature change when you get out of the shower. I find it useful to leave the bathroom door closed so getting out of the shower/tub isn’t so jarring with cold air. Once you’ve dried off and are dressed, you can crawl into bed and cover up and practice your breathing, or just let your mind drift into nice places.

ASMR

ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response and it is a relatively new, and really interesting experience for those that get it. Not everybody experiences ASMR though. It is often described as ‘brain tingles.’ For those that have never experienced this, it’s ok for it to sound really weird! But for those who do not know what it is, but have experienced it, you’re about to have a light bulb go off!

ASMR is a physical experience of intense relaxation, and even tingling in the head, chest, etc. that is extremely pleasant. It quickly can put you in a flow state, like meditation.

So what is it already??!!

Ok, if you have ever heard the sound of rustling paper and just tranced out, or watched somebody writing and felt relaxed, or even watched somebody shining shoes, washing windows, or even heard people whispering or even eating and gotten oddly calm, you’ve experienced ASMR. It is okay and not harmful. There are plenty of oddball-seeming ASMR videos (one of a lady eating crunchy pickles!!) out there. Just google that term. Many of the videos are aimed at helping you find what your “ASMR Triggers” are (if you have any). Give it a go! If you just find yourself shrugging your shoulders and saying, “I don’t get it . . . why would a video/recording of a lady eating pickles get 1.5 MILLION views?” then you may not have an ASMR experience, which is fine.

If you do have the triggers, then you can use these sounds, sights, etc. to help you relax. Just be careful to not overuse them as you can become almost dependent on them, and they can seem to lose their effectiveness. Should this happen, just stop using them for a few weeks and then try again.

Is there a science to ASMR?

Since it’s fairly new, the understanding of ASMR is still being studied, but current research is showing that it may be related to a version of synesthesia (where you hear colors, taste sounds, etc.). No, this does not mean you are crazy or flashing back to any hallucinatory drugs you may have used! Synesthesia happens naturally for some people, and it can be leveraged in some very interesting ways! ASMR is not as dramatic but may be related to the same type of brain activity.

Here’s a great research article on ASMR by the NCBI (National Center for Biotechnology Information).

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*Updated December 5, 2023

Learn more about Stress Management Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Stop Setting Yourself on Fire to Keep Everybody Else Warm

Have you ever felt like you’re constantly putting out fires in your personal or professional life? Do you find yourself sacrificing your well-being and happiness to make others happy? It’s time to stop setting yourself on fire to keep everybody else warm.

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Empathy and Compassion are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same thing:

• Empathy means taking on the feelings of the person in front of you. So, if they are having a panic attack and come to you for help, empathy would cause you to have a panic attack with them. This is not very helpful for either of you.
• Compassion means there is a genuine understanding of the suffering of the other person and even warmth from you, but there is also a healthy distance that allows you to be safe and helpful without being drawn into their suffering. In short, compassion allows you to support others without sacrificing your well-being.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of being a people-pleaser, but constantly prioritizing others over yourself can lead to burnout, stress, and even resentment. It’s important to set boundaries and take care of your own needs to live a fulfilling and healthy life.

Here are some tips to help you stop setting yourself on fire:

1. Learn to say no

Saying no can be hard, but it’s important to remember that you don’t have to do everything for everyone all the time. Learn to prioritize your own needs and don’t be afraid to say no when you need to.

2. Prioritize self-care

Make self-care a priority in your life. This can be anything from taking a bubble bath to going for a walk to practicing mindfulness meditation. Whatever it is that makes you feel happy and relaxed, make time for it regularly.

3. Set boundaries

Setting boundaries is key to taking care of yourself. Whether it’s saying no to certain requests or limiting your availability, make sure you’re clear about your boundaries and stick to them.

4. Practice gratitude

Gratitude can help shift your focus from what you don’t have to what you do have. Take time to reflect on the things in your life that you’re grateful for, and you’ll likely find that you feel more fulfilled and content.

5. Surround yourself with supportive people

Having a strong support system can make all the difference when it comes to taking care of yourself. Surround yourself with people who lift your spirits, support your goals, and encourage you to prioritize your well-being.

Remember, self-love isn’t selfish – it’s necessary. By setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you can stop setting yourself on fire and start living a happier, healthier life. Get in touch when you’re ready to get started.

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Updated December 5, 2023

Learn more about Stress Management Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Sleep Procrastination: Understanding the Causes and Solutions

Discover why we engage in sleep procrastination and learn effective strategies to overcome it. Here are ten common causes of sleep procrastination:

1. Stress from daily procrastination
2. Addiction to social media, email, and news
3. Fear of thoughts and feelings
4. Bedtime procrastination habit
5. Desire to take advantage of nighttime creativity and productivity
6. Poor sleep hygiene; no bedtime routine
7. Overstimulation close to bedtime
8. The desire for “me time”
9. A compulsion to complete tasks
10. Avoidance of facing tomorrow

Addressing the root cause of sleep procrastination is key to improving sleep hygiene and well-being. First of all, let’s remember that true sleep/bedtime procrastination is not a matter of simply avoiding insomnia or difficulty sleeping, although it may be a consideration in some cases. Here’s how we can help:

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Cause #1: Daily Procrastination Stress

Solution: Plan, prioritize, and reward task completion.

When we procrastinate on tasks such as paying bills or working on projects, we often add them to the end of our day, leading to sleep procrastination. This results in less sleep, grogginess, reduced efficiency, and more task procrastination, causing more sleep procrastination.

Cause #2: Social Media, Email, and News Addiction

Solution: Set specific times and balance with positive news.

The excitement we feel when we receive a response or notification from social media or email, or when watching the news about politicians, can stimulate the brain and lead to dopamine bursts in the pleasure center that keep us awake and encourage addictive behavior.

Cause #3: Fear of Thoughts and Feelings

Solution: Establish mindfulness practices and seek counseling.

Unresolved stressful, sad, or angry thoughts and feelings can surface at bedtime, leading to sleep procrastination. Avoiding them can cause them to worsen.

Cause #4: Bedtime Procrastination Habit

Solution: Replace with healthier sleep routines.

A habitual behavior that involves putting off bedtime can cause sleep procrastination.

Cause #5: Nighttime Creativity and Productivity

Solution: Schedule creative time and practice balance.

Individuals who are most creative or productive at night may feel pressure to take advantage of that time and delay bedtime, leading to sleep procrastination.

Cause #6: Poor Sleep Hygiene; No Bedtime Routine

Solution: Establish a consistent bedtime routine. **I address how to establish good sleep hygiene below this list.**

Cause #7: Overstimulation Close to Bedtime

Solution: Avoid overstimulation and create a relaxing bedtime routine.

Cause #8: Desire for “Me Time”

Solution: Reserve time for hobbies and find relaxation activities.

Balancing relaxation and winding down is crucial for quality sleep. Engage in enjoyable activities earlier in the day to avoid stimulating the mind before bed. Opt for calming activities like reading or taking a warm bath to unwind and prepare for sleep. Prioritize “me time” without compromising sleep quality.

Cause #9: Compulsion to Complete Tasks

Solution: Prioritize tasks and establish boundaries.

Balancing work and rest is crucial. Recognize the importance of taking breaks and avoiding late-night work. Prioritize sleep to enhance productivity and overall well-being. Establish boundaries and know when to stop working and start winding down. Break free from the cycle of sleep procrastination by valuing your sleep.

Cause #10: Avoidance of Facing Tomorrow

Solution: Practice relaxation techniques and address underlying anxiety.

Avoiding tomorrow’s tasks due to stress and anxiety often leads to sleep procrastination. We delay facing responsibilities, feeling overwhelmed by the thought. For instance, anxiety about criticism from a superior may cause us to avoid tasks, prolonging stress. Instead, address the root cause, develop coping mechanisms, and manage stress to overcome sleep procrastination and ensure restful sleep.

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Improving Sleep Hygiene: 10 Tips for Better Rest

If you struggle with sleep procrastination, implementing healthy sleep habits is essential. Follow these ten tips for a better night’s rest:

1. Establish a consistent bedtime window of one hour (ie “I need to be in bed between 9 and 1o”).
   * Begin your bedtime routine as soon as you begin to feel sleepy within that window.
2. Stick to a consistent bedtime routine.
3. Create a conducive sleeping environment.
4. Don’t stay in bed for more than 20 minutes if you can’t fall asleep.
5. Turn off electronic devices at least 30 minutes before bedtime.
6. Avoid heavy meals, caffeine, and alcohol before bed.
7. Incorporate a brief meditation practice.
8. Use your bed for sleeping and intimacy only.
9. Exercise during the day and maintain a healthy weight.
10. If you have sleep apnea, use your C-pap machine as recommended.

By implementing these healthy sleep habits, you’ll improve your chances of a good night’s rest and wake up feeling refreshed and energized. Remember, a consistent routine and comfortable sleeping environment are key to achieving restful sleep.

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*Updated July 13, 2023

Learn more about Stress Management Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Understanding Healthy Selfishness for Effective Stress Management

Have you ever wondered how selfishness can be healthy? The idea may seem paradoxical, but practicing healthy selfishness can be a kind and effective way to manage stress. So, what is healthy selfishness, and how can it help you care for others while prioritizing your own well-being?

Benevolent Selfishness: Putting Yourself First to Help Loved Ones

When it comes to caring for others, taking care of yourself is essential. If you neglect your own needs, you may not be able to perform your best and provide the care your loved ones need. For instance, imagine you are caring for your grandmother, but you are feeling stressed and exhausted. In this scenario, taking a break and getting a massage before attending to her needs can put you in a more relaxed and refreshed state of mind, enabling you to offer her better care and comfort.

The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Selfishness

It is important to note that there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy selfishness. Avoidant or unhealthy selfishness involves neglecting others’ needs and being excessively self-centered, leading to negative consequences for oneself and others. On the other hand, healthy selfishness is about prioritizing self-care and self-love, which allows you to show up as your best self and care for others effectively.

Practice Healthy Selfishness for Effective Stress Management

In conclusion, practicing healthy selfishness can be an effective way to manage stress and care for your loved ones. Prioritizing self-care and self-love is not selfish in the negative sense but instead a crucial step towards caring for yourself and others effectively. So go ahead, say no when you need to, and take the time to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Your loved ones will benefit from your benevolent selfishness.

*Updated July 18, 2023

Learn more about how counseling can help you find happiness.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

How often do you find yourself looking back and asking things like:

• What if I had stuck with playing the guitar?
• What if I hadn’t dropped out of baseball?
• What if I had shown up to that marketing event?

There are a million ways to drive yourself absolutely bonkers with “what-if’s;” and each one is a perfect recipe for regret, stressing yourself out, and missing out on what is happening right now.

Even if what is happening right now is painful or regrettable, staying in the moment of “what is” helps you respond to your situation and relieve the distress. When you are mindful of the here-and-now you can assess what skills and tools you have to respond to any stress you are experiencing. Once you know what you have, you can leverage it! But if you are looking into the past you are splitting your awareness away from what you have that can help in the now.

This is what folks mean when they say, “It’s tough to move forward when you are looking behind you.”  When you try, you bump into things and fall down more, not less. So look at the here and now, and plan for the future!

Learn more about Stress Management Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Parasympathetic Nervous System: Rest & Digest

Stress and anxiety trigger the ‘fight-or-flight response’ in our bodies, a survival mechanism controlled by the sympathetic nervous system. This response is designed to help us face danger for a few minutes at a time. However, when it remains active for extended periods, we experience symptoms like irritability, restlessness, tiredness, and depression.

Interestingly, our bodies respond to perceived danger in the same way they would to real danger. For example, if we fear failing a test, our bodies respond to it as if we’re facing a dangerous situation, such as a dog chasing us. This means that our bodies need to be convinced that we’re not in danger to stop the response. To do this, we need to activate the ‘rest-and-digest response,’ controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system.

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Activating the Rest-and-Digest nervous system

The question most people ask is, “How do I turn off the fight-or-flight response?” However, a more effective question is, “How do I turn ON the rest-and-digest response?” It’s easier to follow positive instructions like “DO think about a green cat” than negative instructions like “DON’T think about a purple elephant.” Therefore, instead of trying to turn off the sympathetic nervous system, we should focus on turning on the parasympathetic nervous system. The good news is that activating the rest-and-digest response turns off the fight-or-flight response.

Belly-breathing is the ON switch for calmness

Controlling your breath is the easiest way to activate the rest-and-digest response. Studies have shown that diaphragmatic breathing, also called belly breathing, triggers the relaxation response. The technique involves breathing deeply and slowly while focusing on your belly rising and falling.

To practice belly breathing, lie down with a pillow under your knees and place your hands on your belly. Inhale slowly and deeply, allowing your belly to rise, then hold your breath for a moment. Exhale slowly, letting your belly fall. You can also visualize bellows pointing upwards and inhaling through your nose (the “entrance for air” in the image) while expanding your belly like the bellows (the part where your hands expand outward to pull air in). Exhale through your mouth (the “nozzle” in this image) while contracting your belly (In the picture below, this would be like bringing your hands together at the bottom of the bellows to push air out).

There are many types of relaxing breathing exercises. I explain the 3 most common in the “How to Relax and Unwind” blog post. A simple breathing exercise that does not involve any counting is:

• Breathe in slowly for a few seconds (your belly rises)
• Pause for a moment
• Exhale slowly for a few seconds (your belly falls)
• Pause for a moment
• Repeat this for 3-5 minutes.

When we start counting how long the inhales, pauses and exhales are, we are beginning to access deeper levels of relaxation.

The physiological sigh

Based on the work of neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman, the physiological sigh simply adds a quick 2nd inhale immediately after the initial inhale. According to Dr. Huberman, this helps ensure that the tiny air sacs in the lungs become more inflated to help bring in oxygen and get rid of carbon dioxide.

Athletes, yoga practitioners, and martial artists commonly use belly breathing to calm their minds and bodies. By using this technique, you signal to your brain that all is well, which slows down your brainwaves and releases calming chemicals to help you relax. With practice, belly breathing can help alleviate anxiety and improve sleep quality, so don’t give up!

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*Updated July 13, 2023

Learn more about Stress Management Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

Imagine a tree stump with a small sapling growing up from it. You’ll notice that this tree was chopped down, only to “bounce back” by re-sprouting new leaves! This tree cannot be kept down. It is the model of Resiliency.

Why can some people smile through failure? Come through heartbreak stronger than ever? How can I do that? CAN I do that?? Yes, you can. It is a teachable skill . . . a habit to be practiced. We’ve all seen this person . . . the one that falls down then gets right back up and tries again — seemingly unaffected by the fall. This person is resilient; their ability to ‘bounce back’ is tried and true.

Some people are just born with it. Others have to train themselves to overcome adversity. And like everything else, there are countless shades of gray in between.

Thankfully, if you have a difficult time bouncing back, resilience can be taught! In other words, you can learn it by practicing it.

The habit of resiliency

When you need to build resilience, approach it as a healthy habit to replace the unhealthy habit of ‘giving up.’

First, you must mindfully face the truth of where you are at; ideally using a mindfulness practice where you learn to strip away the judgment of yourself not being as resilient as you’d like.

Next, begin to notice opportunities to practice resilience. Begin with easy examples like not letting the stapler being empty throw you off too much. Then build up to more and more challenging situations. Take your time . . . it takes longer for some folks–this is ok, we are all just different on our learning curves.

Once you have practiced the basics of bouncing back, begin to notice where your blind spots are. These are places that you may not notice until after you are past the situation looking back. This is great because it lets you observe without having to act just yet. Just consider what being resilient would have looked like:

1. What would your thoughts be if you were being more resilient (Cognition)?
2. How would you have behaved differently (Behaviors)?
3. What would the outcome be (Consequence)?
4. What would the payoff have been (Reward)?

In parentheses, I put the Cognitive-Behavioral terms to help you see what we are doing here.

The more you repeat this, the better you will get, the better you get, the easier it will be to use the skills.

Start with one week of practice, then jot down what you notice. Then do another week. Then another. You will see improvements along the way, and around one month, you will likely notice that things are becoming more automatic!

Learn more about Stress Management Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.