Couples Counseling

Every couple argues. That’s not the problem. The problem is when the arguments start going in circles, when you keep having the same fight about different things, when small disagreements escalate into something much bigger, or when one (or both) of you has just stopped trying.

If that’s where you are, you’re not failing at your relationship. You’re stuck in patterns that neither of you created on purpose, and those patterns can be changed. With advanced Gottman Level II training and over 25 years of experience, I help couples identify what’s actually driving the conflict and build specific, practical skills to replace destructive communication with connection.

Why the Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is grounded in over four decades of research on what makes relationships succeed and what makes them fail. It’s not theory. It’s based on the direct observation of thousands of couples over time, which means the interventions are built on data about what actually works.

The research identifies specific communication patterns that predict relationship breakdown with remarkable accuracy. The most destructive are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Two additional patterns, Belligerence and Blame, are what the Gottmans call the Horsemen’s “cousins” and are equally damaging when left unchecked. Every one of these patterns has a specific, learnable antidote. Read more about the Six Communication Killers and their antidotes.

In couples therapy, we identify which of these patterns are doing the most damage in your relationship and systematically replace them with healthier alternatives. This is focused, skill-based work, and most couples start seeing shifts within the first few sessions.

What We Work On

The specifics depend on what you and your partner are dealing with, but common areas include:

• Communication breakdowns and recurring arguments
• Emotional distance, disconnection, or feeling like roommates
• Rebuilding trust after betrayal or dishonesty
• Navigating differences in parenting, finances, or priorities
• Recovering from an affair or emotional infidelity
• Managing conflict without escalation or withdrawal
• Reconnecting after a major life change (new baby, job loss, relocation, empty nest)

Research shows that roughly 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual, meaning they stem from fundamental personality or lifestyle differences that won’t be “solved.” The goal isn’t to eliminate those differences. It’s to learn how to navigate them without letting them erode your connection.

What If My Partner Doesn’t Want to Come?

This is one of the most common concerns I hear. One partner recognizes there’s a problem and the other is reluctant, skeptical, or outright resistant.

Here’s what I’ve seen in over 25 years of practice: reluctance usually isn’t about the relationship. It’s about the process. Most resistant partners are worried about being blamed, being told they’re the problem, or sitting through an uncomfortable hour that doesn’t accomplish anything. Those are reasonable concerns.

I address this directly. My job isn’t to take sides. It’s to help both of you understand the dynamic between you and build skills to change it. If your partner is hesitant, I’m happy to talk with them by phone before the first session to answer questions and address concerns. A brief conversation often makes a real difference.

What a Typical Session Looks Like

Sessions are 45 minutes. Some couples find they need or prefer double sessions (90 minutes), which allow more space to work through complex dynamics without feeling rushed. We’ll discuss which format works best for your situation.

The first session is primarily about understanding your relationship’s history, strengths, and current challenges. I’ll ask both of you questions, and I’ll listen carefully to how you talk to each other as well as what you say. From there, we’ll establish a direction for the work.

Ongoing sessions are active and structured. We’ll work on specific skills, practice them in session, and I’ll give you things to work on between appointments. This isn’t the kind of therapy where you talk for an hour and leave without a clear sense of what you’re doing differently.

Regarding timeline: some couples see meaningful progress in 8-12 sessions. Many continue longer. Gottman-based work often benefits from a longer arc because the real test of new skills comes when you hit a significant bump, and that bump tends to show up after the initial progress. Stopping too early, before you’ve had a chance to navigate a real conflict with your new tools, is one of the most common mistakes in couples counseling.

When Couples Counseling Isn’t the Right Fit

Couples counseling works best when both partners are willing to look at their own contributions to the conflict. I’m not the right fit for situations involving active domestic violence, active restraining orders, or cases where counseling has been court-ordered as part of a legal proceeding. If you’re unsure whether your situation is appropriate for couples work, call me and we’ll talk it through.

Virtual Couples Counseling Across Texas

All sessions are available via secure, HIPAA-compliant video or telephone for anyone in Texas. Virtual couples counseling has some genuine advantages: you’re both in your own environment, there’s no commute adding stress to an already vulnerable conversation, and scheduling is simpler.

Ready to start? Schedule a consultation or call (512) 771-7621.

Related Articles

• The Six Communication Killers (and How to Stop Them)
• Signs Your Relationship Needs Counseling
• How the Gottman Method Strengthens Relationships